One day at a time....

[Hope4us]

Hey Rocked. Welcome. I have been following your thread on Newcomers and am glad to see you here.

To try to answer your question, in my sitch, I think it took almost a whole year after my W's A ended before it was out of her system. It still took her 4 months after that until she could/would begin to open up and talk to me about it. I would see glimpses of her old self in that year, but they would be pretty short lived and there would be immediate pull backs.

And I understand completely where you are with your emotions being overwhelming at times. I can tell you it does get better with time, but even a year and a half post A, I still trigger sometimes and get extremely angry with W. But ya know what? You'll truly know your marriage is going to make it the first time you have one of those angry episodes and your Spouse asks you what's wrong and you tell them and they apologize for it.

And just a word of caution. I've read a number of different places that 6 months post A is the most angry period for the LBS. Not sure if that's 6 months after discovery or 6 months after the A ended. In your case, that won't make much difference, but I remember in my sitch, about 5 month or so after her A ended, being EXTREMELY angry. Like thinking about driving to OM's town (he lives 250 miles away) and enjoying a little batting practice with a 35 inch aluminum ball bat. And thinking of ways I could make W feel just a little of what I was feeling. But luckily, having learned a lot about this stuff, I was able to contain/maintain.

And yes, to this day, when I see W staring out of the car window I wonder if she's thinking about him. And what they had together. But I knew when I decided to try to make our marriage work that I'd have to deal with that. Not much way to get around it.

But it is worth it. We're better than ever and W is doing/saying things that she hasn't said in a long time. And it feels pretty good. You'll get there. It will take time and lots of patience on your part, but it can be done, and better than it was before.