She must be seeing a lawyer...what now?

[sandi2]

Awoken, I have not posted in a while but didn't want you to think I had left for good. I want to tell you something about how your W has acted since you had the D talk and peace has seemed to settle over the house. Most of that is due to the fact both of you needed rest, and needed to try to meet in the middle of the road.....in order to maintain some type of sanity. So, you reach the place that you can't take any more and have the D talk. Now, what just kills me is when I see this reaction with the LBH........his W shows him a little affection and softens (for lack of a better word) toward him in her attitude. She tells him how she's missed him.....her best friend. He goes away feeling pretty good over their talk.

Okay, so here's the deal.......if she can get her D and keep you as her best friend....life is just honky-dorey! Do you want to know what really shook me up in my stitch? When my H looked me firmly in the eye and said, "There won't be any of this being friends thing...if we break up". I don't know why I was shocked, except that all my thinking was so screwed up at the time. The thought of him never being any part of my life....ever again....not even as a friend?

Listen, you don't want to be her gay friend. That is what she might as well be saying.....she could replace you with a gay BF, or a woman friend as far as that goes. I mean, she certainly isn't implying wanting to have sex with you, right? Bet there wasn't a sexual thought in that hug she gave you. That is b/c she is not feeling sexually attracted to you right now. You have basically told her she can have her D without a fight (to save money) and she'll still have you for a friend. That is why she felt so much relief and started crying. She didn't have to worry about any pressure from any direction. To a W who isn't wanting to have sex with her H any longer.....that is a pretty good looking deal, what to do? Can't undo the talk, that's for sure, so I would advoid any future talk of D as much as possible, but she will finally pin you down about it. So you need to be prepared with an answer.

But here's what I'm thinking, a woman needs to first respect her H and then she has to admire him and be drawn to him sexually. If she doesn't feel sexually attracted to him....might as well pack it up. Let's just get real for a minute.....when the attraction is gone--the R is about shot (unless of course it is b/c of physcial problems...old age, etc.)but I'm talking about young, healthy couples. By the time physical problems, etc. has taken over the body....hopefully the couple has aged together and built a MR on a foundation that will be strong enough to carry over into this part of their life together. I remember asking my GM how old a man had to be when he stopped having sex with his W.....and my 82 year old GM's face blushed and she said she didn't know yet.

So what can you do to bring that about? You said you couldn't stand not being able to fix this....well then start fixing it by becoming a sexy, attractive, confident man that a woman would be crazy to leave. You did it once before. She wanted you the first time. Even if she files for a D and even goes to mediation......so did Mr. & Mrs. Puppy...and look at them now. D does not have to be the end. It does have a way of helping people drop the rope, however. Go into this with a new spirit...one where you can't be a loser. You will be a winner no matter what!
All through out this event she will be watching your attitude, persoanlity, manners, your personal appearance....and that wonderful cologne you are wearing that make it hard for her to stay focused. And not once have you seem to realy notice her. Oh you've smiled and spoke but you've had your head togehter with your lawyer but it taks her off b/c she doesn't seem to have any power over you. Why are you nottearing up? Why have't you come tried to talk her out of a last minute change of heart? Hummm.....interesting.