H did give me the smiley face yesterday morning to indicate that he would be initiating. My daughter was off to her friend's house around 6:30 p.m. We grabbed some food shortly afterwards and watched some tv...and some more tv...
I'm not a night person at all but do try and stay up with H a lot of times just to spend time with him. He finally was ready to go to bed around 1:00 a.m. He held me but nothing else. He even took a Viagra before going to bed. I finally started crying around 2:00 a.m., which led him to do something. It was good but SO EMPTY for me. It's the same old "having to cry" to get him to touch me. I felt lied to and so hurt to be given the smiley face to anticipate a good night for us. Needless to say, I really don't want any more smiley faces from him. Before it was always just wondering IF something would happen, but to be told (via smiley face) that something would and then nothing happening was even worse.
I don't even remember how it feels to be desired...
After the deal with him telling his brother NO and then getting the smiley face, I felt so hopeful for our relationship. Now, I just don't know anymore.
