Think OW is here in my house right now!

[aflowergurlie]

Thanks Gno. I already have one copy and will fill your RX for the rest.

[Gnosis]

He needs serious, serious help.

Yes he does and unfortunately there is nothing you can do for him. I've a friend who was married to an S/A. Even after 18 months of therapy he was still doing the same. She eventually left, but not before contracting an STD.

I'm in shock,

Yes you are and I'm deeply sympathetic to your sitch. (((AFG))) You have been through a lot the past few days and the way you have handled yourself is commendable.

Just don't know how I should handle my interaction with him when he returns to this house.

You ignore him. If he tries to trap you into conversation you tell him, "I have a lot on my mind and have nothing to say to you at the moment." or "I'm not sure what I'm thinking. When I figure it out I'll let you know. In the meantime stay out of my face." or "You really don't want to know what I'm thinking right now. I need some space to make sense of all this."

With all you've been through this will be easy. Just take your time. If you can, take those credit cards and book yourself into a fancy hotel for a few days for some R & R. You deserve it.

[aflowergurlie]

Thank you for spelling it out like that for me Gno. That's exactly what I needed.

[Gnosis]

You're welcome and tomorrow evening I'd like to see your shopping list posted here.

Correction: NOT your shopping list... the list of items you purchased... IN DETAIL.

[aflowergurlie]

We don't have credit cards - both of our credit is trashed right now. We use debit cards (99% of time) and cash only. I have a separate checking account with my name only that I deposit my income into and use to spend from. H uses the joint checking account to deposit his income into and he spends from. Same concept if I fill the RX, but just make a withdrawal from the joint account?

[Kimmie Lee]

Yes, print out everything, and never let anyone tell you that "snooping" is "bad." You now have some very valuable evidence.

In fact, I seriously doubt a judge will look kindly on a spouse wasting marital assets on hookers.

[aflowergurlie]

I have copies of dated, hand-written notes and cards from OW to H as well now.

[Gnosis]

AFG, listen to me please, its time to stop digging. You have enough evidence. I know you're hurting. Its time to stop twisting the knife in your wound - all you'll accomplish is to increase the pain.

From your previous post I'm assuming the RX you referring to are the anti-depressants. If they are then YES, get those ASAP and use the debit card linked to the joint account.

I'm sorry that both of your credit is trashed. In light of that news I'd disregard my "going overboard" prescription and withdraw the money in the joint account for legal fees.

You've shown incredible strength and sound mind in this crisis you are in. You have not panicked, shown class and are extremely resourceful. These are admirable and extremely rare characteristics in a woman. I take my hat off to you.

With this in mind, even the strongest of us eventually crack. I don't want to see this happen to you. Please, and I can't emphasize this enough, take a break. Get out of that house for the rest of the weekend. IT'S A TOXIC ENVIRONMENT and a source of pain for you - even if he's not there. Go and visit family or supportive friends who can comfort you.

You are young, smart, intelligent and attractive. I'm sure you don't feel these things right now... and that's WRONG. Your mind is messing with you. You're probably being plagued by the following questions at the moment:

"What did I do to make him stray?"
Answer: NOTHING. He's a sick dog and needs to be put down.
"This is all my fault!"
Answer: No. Sure, you may have made some mistakes, but who doesn't. This is ALL his fault. You've done nothing wrong.
"How could I be so stupid!!!???"
Answer: You weren't stupid. He was too good at hiding his tracks. There was no way you could have known how sick he was when you got married. His secrets were well hidden.

If you post the rest of the BULL your brain is pumping into your consciousness I will gladly shoot them down for you.

For you its full speed ahead on GAL and getting rid of this trash.

[aflowergurlie]

Thank you Gno - you are like my lifeline right now. I will stop right now.

You are right on with the point that I'm at - I'm feeling myself on the verge of cracking. And I am going to get myself ready and get out of here.

I actually am a step ahead of the game on the self-loathing head talk. Because I have been dealing with this issue with him for so many years and have been in counseling for so long with a specialized sex addiction counselor, I am ahead in realizing and truly knowing within my being that this is NOT my fault, and I'm not stupid, and I didn't cause him to stray. This is all him and the deeply broken person he is. He has issues from childhood abuse (sexually) from a family member who then died tragically a few years later. There are no excuses, but I know that this is the source of his pain that he keeps plaguing and hating himself with to keep him in this addiction.

I truly hope someday he will do the work when he gets help next time instead of just trying to fix symptoms of his problem as he always did in the past. I hope that he will be able to have a truly healthy relationship at some point in his life. I am just grieving the loss that it won't be with me. And that for me, it is now time to take care of me and heal all this pain and agony I have been through for all these years, plus all this more that has been heaped on top.

[bluerain]

Do you know his debit card number? Or have an old receipt Do some internet shopping...