For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

I'm sure he takes plenty of cash and does who knows what with it. I don't think he knows we get bank statements in the mail bc he does everything online.

I'm keeping this stuff, bluerain - along with the log of when he's here.

So...he's been contacting me a bit today. It started by him emailing me and asking if I had any comments about his response to my Christmas money email, then he forwarded me some jokes. He hasn't done that for a long time. And then this afternoon I sent him a text to see if he could watch DD tomorrow. Since then he's be texting a little - he knows I took DD to the movies so he's asking who went, if she liked it and now what we are doing. ??

I don't understand him.

[courts0818]

Day 16, Journaling

3 things I'm thankful for
1. Took DD to see The Princess and Frog tonight. We went with friends and their kids and we all had pizza after. It was great.
2. That I've been able to stay positive and have not reacted like a crazy woman even with negative things - i.e. H's bank statement, H not showing up yesterday and so on.
3. H put a little effort into contacting me today

H and I ended up texting a bit today after I asked if he could watch DD tomorrow. Since we were texting, I decided to follow the advice from blurain and basically tell him that it was disappointing that he disrespected our DD by not showing up yesterday and that I hope she's too young to remember and that it doesn't happen again. He responded by saying he was upset about it and he undestands what I was saying. Wow...okay...maybe he reacted better bc I didn't get ugly about it (thanks to bluerain) - instead I just stated the facts in a calm manner.

After the movie, he asked what DD and I were doing. He said he was glad we had fun tonight and then he texted to say he was gonna invite us to his boss's house to get in the hot tub. What? What? What? What? Did I really just type that?
Not sure what it means, but that's okay.

[Lll54]

They are so confusing. I know what you mean. One minute their cold, the next hot. I'm still going through those phases. I think its because they themselves are still confused as to what they want. I haven't learned how to deal with this yet. My main action always goes back to "act as if"...it works..

[courts0818]

Day 18, Journaling

I feel really good tonight. My heart is filled with so much pride. DD sang at church today. This was her first "performance" type of event.

Things I'm thankful for this weekend:
1. Seeing DD sing at church - and all the other kids too.
2. My church's awesome children's ministry - these kids are learning about God's love and how much they matter!
3. H, his parents, my parents and his grandma came to see DD.
4. Our senior pastor and his message today - it was so good, he is amazing.
5. DD and I volunteered at Feed The Children this weekend - I love that she can come along too and experience helping others.
6. How sweet DD looked in her Christmas dress, tights, shoes and hair bow.
7. My family
8. A significant amount of communication with H this weekend.
9. The groceries I bought
10. The love, hope, strength, faith, mercy and forgiveness that God offers to us - all we have to do is ask.

The following is from a daily devotional that I recevied and I love it. I hope it will touch your heart the way it touched mine:
*This year I have pondered how to re-gift the joy found in the Christmas story that Jesus gives - "a great joy which will be to all people." I believe the best way is to display our joy in all circumstances, good and bad. We may not enjoy the situations we find ourselves in, but we can have joy. Our joy can issue forth from the fact that Jesus came to earth as an infant, ministered, died on the cross and resurrected from the grave. He did this as a gift for all of us.*

In many of our situations, it's so hard to not get down and feel totally hopeless at times. Like me, I'm sure you've felt like your H or W has shattered your heart - similar to an icicle falling off a tall building and smashing into countless pieces on the ground. You've felt alone, broken, betrayed, furious, shocked, distraught, miserable, bewildered, overwhelmed, fearful, worried, discouraged...you've experienced total confusion and stress...maybe you experience all of these feelings every single day. Maybe you've been totally inconsistent and irrational in your DB efforts - like I was.

Whatever your sitch is, please think about this...The best way is to display our joy in all circumstances, good and bad. We may not enjoy the situations we find ourselves in, but we can have joy. I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis, but that's okay, bc it helps me to focus on the good and not the bad.

[Dane]

Good advice courts.

[chatterbug]

Courts. Thank you.

[courts0818]

Wanted to add some comments about H....

So, he's been communicating with me more than normal since Friday. On Friday, it started with some emails and then he was texting me - like I posted above, pretty much asked if DD and I wanted to hang at his boss's house and get in the hot tub.

On Saturday, there were texts about DD and church on Sunday. Also on Saturday night, I called him bc I was driving and the check engine light came on. Later that night, he texted me and said the car was giving him issues.

And today...I was disappointed that H decided to meet us at church instead of us all riding together, but I am so thankful that he went. We held DD's hands as we walked her down to her classroom, then together we took pictures and videotaped her singing and we sat next to each other during the service. So much of what our pastor said, was so fitting for our situation. I pray that God was speaking to H. I pray that he was listening. I pray his heart was touched. And I thank God that H was there.

After church, H picked up lunch and came back home. He ended up taking DD to his parent's house bc she really wanted to go. While she was there, he texted a bit and after he dropped her off at home tonight, we texted a bit more.

There was no R talk or anything like that, but I do know that I have to pull away again starting tomorrow. This weekend I was very available to him - responding to his texts and that sort of thing, but I didn't pursue, have a negative attitude or anything bad. We were just a little closer this weekend, which I'm thankful for.

I fully understand that I have to let go again and not be so available. He might have been testing the waters to get a gauge on how I'm feeling these days and how I'm acting - and that's okay. I hope he got a sense that I'm committed to our marriage and our family, yet I'm working on myself and my happiness.

I have to stay strong and not act like I'm all into him just bc he gave me a little attention.

...Thank you God for this weekend. Love, Courtney : )

[bluerain]

Courtney, Im glad that you had what sounds like a really good weekend! And Im glad that you are also being realistic about how you need to focus your efforts on going dark again! Very wise.

Good posts, thanks!

[Lll54]

Looking for the joy, looking for the joy...find it in my children, but its only to be okay with that being my only joy right now...

[courts0818]

Well so much for my great weekend. I'm about to puke.

Just came from the mailbox and here's what I found....

It looked like a letter addressed to my H. The return address is "MARRIOTT HOTELS & RESORTS." On the back of the envelope is the hotel's address. The SAME city where I found a $41.58 dinner charge on Halloween on husband's bank statement.

I didn't even have to break the seal - the envelope had a side seal that was pretty much open - inside is an invite for a bar/hotel package for New Year's Eve. I'm sick to my stomach - he wouln't be receiving an invite from a local hotel, unless he had recently stayed there. It's a very, very good thing he's not coming over today.

HELP! What do I do? Do I keep it? Do I leave it out for him with the regular mail? Do I question him?