My H is a very good man. The boundary issue is something the counselor is having us work through. I just finished reading the book "Boundaries" that was assigned reading by our counselor and could absolutely pick out the circumstances that apply to our situation. I could also easily see what is going on between the entire family and the continous support of his adult (well, she's 36 anyway) sister. I spent the first 2.5 years of our relationship alone on every single holiday (from Halloween to Christmas) while he went to spend the time with his family. I finally said that I was not going to do that anymore; he did start including me at that point.
I really believe the husband/wife relationship needs to come first. I have to make sure that I put our relationship in that spot as I have 2 teenagers from my prior marriage, who also need my attention. It takes work. I don't think my husband even looks at it as "them" or "me" though. I really don't think he's capable, at this point anyway, of ever having "me" as part of the choice. He's just gone along with what his family wants for too long. I hope the counseling helps him to put US first. Our relationship is really important to me, and I love him very much.
