Quote: I'm not saying to just be a doormat and keep putting up with your in-laws indefinitely -- what you've described really is ridiculous -- but find a way to give your husband on "escape route" while the two of you work on his boundary skills together.
I think this is a good idea. I am one who has difficulty saying "no". In the past I would work long hours even tho I did not want to and even tho I knew my H did not like it, simply because I found it impossible to turn down the OT. I would have much rather spent the time with my H.
It doesn't sound like your H is getting a huge amount out of the time he spends with his family. At the same time a certain loyalty to your family is an admirable thing. He just needs to learn to put everyone in their proper places. OK he needs to learn to lie and cheat for his own good, I would say. Well lets call it diplomacy, see how much better that sounds.
Your H sounds like a good man. Just because his family does not deserve his consideration does not mean to say he does not care about them. That he would want to do things for people who have done nothing to earn that, does not really make him foolish. It means he is kind. He just needs to learn where to draw the line.
Don't be offended that while he cannot say no to them, he will in effect say it to you. In a way this shows the distinction he makes between you and the others. You are the one he trusts to be there for him. You are the one he shows his true feelings to. He knows that even if you are upset with him you will not disappear and never talk to him again. He is behaving a little like a child who is good as gold at school, but naughty at home. Perhaps it is a little hard to see such naughtyness as a sign of love and trust, but it is certainly there.
