Quote: I enjoy spending time with my H even if he doesn't put the same degree of importance on that time. It's not even that I mind getting together with his family; I just think it's unreasonable to expect that we should always give up our entire weekend each and every time - particularly when they're coming into town often.
He always seems to pick THEM over YOU. So in your mind, because he always seems to pick THEM over YOU, THEY must be more important... because if YOU were important, then he would be able to tell them no once in a while.
So, you are constantly putting your H in the middle by turning this into a contest. He ALWAYS feels pulled between YOU and his FAMILY. This guy can't win. I wouldn't be surprised if he harbored some feelings of resentment toward you... which may be feeding his LD.
This is not a contest. This, as your shrink says, is a problem he has in drawing boundaries, with you and with his family. He's trying to please everyone, and in so doing, pleases no one.
I understand your feelings toward the family, believe me, I do. I'm sure he knows that as soon as you hear brother football ticket holder is coming to town, he braces himself for your 'mood.'
But what if you took the exact opposite stance and tried to find the very best opportunity to enjoy your H's company given the situation? Do you really think you can only have fun with him under certain conditions? How can you make it more fun for yourself and for him?
What if, instead of seeing his family as the 'intruders' that they are, you find the hidden opportunties to make the situations the best they can be for you and him? I'm wondering that if you can find this in yourself, you won't be finding the exact thing you seem to think is so elusive: time with your H. You being his ally rather than the disgruntled wife is going to make his feelings of loyalty to you more strong than you making him feel guilty and torn. Who knows, with this type of support from you, you may find that it will be easier for him to tell his brother every now and then that he is more than welcome to stay at the house, but this time, the two of you have plans, and you'll see everyone when you all get home.
It's worth a shot anyway. Doesn't sound like they're going to stop dropping by any time soon, hm?
