Talked with H. Settled the next 4 weekends with the kids. I told him I want this to end. He said he is constantly trying. That I am a person he loves and has spent his life with and wants to spend his future with. Sounded a lot like a friend.
He got upset when I said : "This is the end. This is not your home anymore, please stay away while I'll feel better again. We are single, free to do whatever we feel like, lets just keep it away from the kids..."
He kept saying he thought we were trying and he wanted to try some more. I told him, its not enough, I don't want to try any more. He said, ok then, agreed, I will do as you please this time.
It was a much harder conversation. He accused me of being competitive and a few other things. Raised his voice too. But I know this time it was because he felt upset and mad at me. We discussed the anniversary. He said he got scared, blocked. I said to me that cant be explained. He said I didn't respect the day his mom die (next day of our anniversary) and called him and told him all those things and screwed him as he said it. I 've respected that day. Enough with his mom though. I thought he was depressed about his mom all the time he had the affair...
I am going full force ahead. I am not saying its over yet. I cant believe it yet I guess... K
