Moving on with my life!

[25yearsmlc]

Today Mrs. Sanford, the wife of the Gov of SC, filed for divorce due to infidelity her h seems unable to stop. She said, quite graciously & without anger, that her husband's infidelity did nothing to HER self esteem; it "reflected poorly on him"...

What a great quote. What a model for many of us here. She was listed as among the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009 for just this reason.

And S2, your d's problem with her bf is a RED FLAG for you. OMG her fears and trust issues come across as needy and probably controlling to her bf so she's undermining her R with him and that comes from your experience!! Come on, straighten up and pick yourself up and dust yourself off...what signal do you need, to see that your behavior is having an effect on your children? IT IS! Model the other, healthy behaviors written about here. Please, it's high time. Your xh is bad news for you.

If that changes, you'll know.

And as for "needing" OM to make you feel good about yourself, I reject that as unhealthy, untrue and unattractive. So even if it were true, you'd be sabatoging yourself by showing it and it does show or your xh would not behave the way he does. The folks who have detached don't need OP in their lives. Down the road I'm sure many of them do find OPs b/c they're so far ahead in their personal growth and have healthy self esteems. The fact that they don't "need" OP is why they attract them! Make sense?


And your xh was in NO position to critisize you for (ANYTHING--he's your X for a reason!) but for going to your son's match in the rain? Why?? Truth is HE FORGOT TO GO and you didn't forget. Why'd you listen to that garbage? Tell him to call you when he can speak with a calm/respectful tone and hang up after one warning....hey, cheating spouses take a toll on our egos of course. We get that. But this man is no barometer of your self worth. Stop putting up with such outrageous behavior. If he cared enough to attend or drive, he'd have recalled the match. What's up with his belief he's in any position to critique your behavior? I'd cut that off quickly and nip it in the bud saying "XH, you are not in any position to critisize my parenting and I'm not inviting feedback from you".....did he think you wanted his commentary??

Detach. Please, read up on it and just do it. Or stay stuck forever (how long??? ) and all the years you spend NOT detaching, you are wasting your life AND showing your children how to stay stuck...don't model that for your children, who are at SUCH an impressionable time...there's lots of excuse making going on in your thread about how you give in, cave, "can't do such and such" b/c it's a small town AND yet you stay there and your kids learn that life just happens to them...no control over their destinies or fate or lives...whatever...

Jesus, what a sad attitude. Your d thinks she has to have a bf or she's unworthy (Where'd she get that idea?) and she's worried that her bf will cheat b/c he's out with the boys and instead of choosing to be with her friends for a chick night out or a chick flick evening at home, she's frantic and hurt...it's urgent that you show them stronger healthier behavior...NOW. Enjoy what you have in your life and show your kids you are fine thank you very much. And I have older children like you and one 12 y/o and they're all close despite the age difference. I LOVE having a young one at home. Stop obsessing about what OM want in a woman. I went to my HS reunion and my hs bf would LOVE to have a family and there are men out there who didn't have kids or who's wives left them and took the kids. They like being dads/stepdads... You cannot care about what you think OM want and base any of your attitude on life on that. OMG...come on, take charge of your life. No one else will. You need to re-read the part I wrote about your life being a novel. You are not writing your own life's book! You're letting a drunk cheater decide how each chapter will go...that's on you S2...self inflicted misery. Honey if you are stuck on this man, then you need professional help. No shame in that. I was spinning my wheels and my anger would have consumed me if I had not gotten help to learn how to detach. Read other DBers stories--the healthy ones and the ones who busted their div...if you only read other needy stuck people's thread, sometimes you think it's okay to stay there. Don't stay stuck anymore.

BTW, do you have female friends? If not, make some. It helps a lot. Join groups! Not everything cost a lot. No more "I can't b/c..." and lots more of "I CAN Do this by making that arrangement...and I AM DOING IT...."
j-