It hasn't cost your wives one single thing to carry on as they have these many months of your limboland prison sentences. And that is why your Work is unappreciated. They see it. I'll bet a paycheck on it. But there is not a damned reason to credit you a bit of it, move one inch toward reconciliation or take a bit of responsibility b/c staying put COSTS THEM NOTHING.
They just get to keep on slamming your efforts, spinning your outreach into something sinister, projecting their poor attitudes on to you b/c .... they can .... and nothing bad will happen. B/c nothing bad has happened. They still have you tied up so no one else can have you. They still have an intact family. The still get to be SAHM with their children in a fine home. They still have beautiful wedding rings (one of 'em even has a brand new one!). And they still have y'all steppin' and fetchin'.
Greek, all I can say is WORD
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
VERY GOOD POINT. Well, FWIW, I am pulling out of limboland. Had enough.
And, Thinker gets a hall pass given his MIL's situation.
But, I hear your point Greek, very clearly.
And, point of clarification, on that wedding ring thing, one of em doesn't know where her's IS. And nobody's happy in the GIMA household about that, most of the all the one who paid for it. But, this is HER problem, not mine. Wouldn't have been lost if it had been oh, I don't know, ON HER FINGER.
So, no more steppin and fetchin. I promise.
Been there. Imagine how ripped off I felt when she filed an insurance claim then spent the $ on car repairs and a plane ticket. Now imagine how I felt when I took mine to a jeweler and got cash for it.
(I really wanted to throw it into the tides but I'm just glad it's gone.)
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Now imagine how I felt when I took mine to a jeweler and got cash for it.
Not quite equal now, is it? Might be able to pick up a mid-grade bottle of single malt and one or two good cigars. But, I could watch the M go "up in smoke" for real.
Hate to say it, but I agree. I finally said I'm done..Never felt better. You have to save your self before you can save your kids. I have saved myself, now I can be there for my kids through this.
I filed last week.
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
Fellas, It hasn't cost your wives one single thing to carry on as they have these many months of your limboland prison sentences. And that is why your Work is unappreciated. They see it. I'll bet a paycheck on it. But there is not a damned reason to credit you a bit of it, move one inch toward reconciliation or take a bit of responsibility b/c staying put COSTS THEM NOTHING.
They just get to keep on slamming your efforts, spinning your outreach into something sinister, projecting their poor attitudes on to you b/c .... they can .... and nothing bad will happen. B/c nothing bad has happened. They still have you tied up so no one else can have you. They still have an intact family. The still get to be SAHM with their children in a fine home. They still have beautiful wedding rings (one of 'em even has a brand new one!). And they still have y'all steppin' and fetchin'.
They SEE your Work. They just don't have to do anything about it.
Greek
[quote]Newton's First Law of Motion:
I. Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it. /quote]
Use The Force, SkyWalker.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Use the FORCE....not the SCHWARTZ! Just want to make sure I'm clear on this. Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I just sat down at the computer in Mrs. Thinker's home office to do some admin work, and noticed a long list of names handwritten on a piece of paper.
My first thought was "Oh, she's made out her christmas card list for this year". Last weekend she just ordered cards Christmas cards with a family picture for us to send out, so the timing is appropriate.
Then I noticed OM's name and address at the top of the list
My immediate thoughts:
WTF!!!
What is she thinking!!
No way in F***ing H*ll is she going to send HIM a Christmas card!!! If she thinks she is, then screw the Christmas Season and the situation with her mom and our current truce and all of it - I'm filing!!!
and then
I noticed the check marks next to all of the names...
This must be last years Christmas list, archived and resurrected as a reference to avoid having to re-create the list.
Last year we sent out the cards post bomb but prior to the identification of OM and and the full extent of the EA - in the full depths of the EA.
---
Relief (assuming that it IS last years list), but still a very unwelcome reminder.
Not sure if I am going to make a point of "pointing out the name" or not. I was tempted to strike the name off the list with a bold black marker, but resisted.
Last edited by Thinker; 12/12/0911:45 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Not sure if I am going to make a point of "pointing out the name" or not. I was tempted to strike the name off the list with a bold black marker, but resisted.
I don't think it's healthy. I've not had a webcam since my H threw mine away when he discovered my EA. We had a relative who spend about a month with us a while back and was using a cheap webcam, and said that she was going to leave it and we could use it to contact her when she went back to her home state. She left and I couldn't find it. My first thought was wondering if my H threw it away. I asked him if he had any idea where it may be.......and when I saw the look on his face, I could have cut my tongue out.
The point is, whenever a small word or deed is done (such as you thought about doing) it's like pounding a nail in that cross the two of you are carrying around. No good can come out of it and it adds to the misery. Not like you have to "remind" her that you've not forgotten what happen. Just like I could have went to the store to buy another webcam.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
