Gotta Keep Trying 2

[soleil]

GIMA, are you going to counseling by yourself? Definitely recommend it.

Wow, soleil, I wish you were my WAW....LOL.

This made my day. Thank you

I am so sorry for all of you who's wives don't want to go to MC. That is why I think it's a good idea to go alone. It really does help having someone to talk to who is objective and doesn't know your life or story.

[givingitmyall]

GIMA, are you going to counseling by yourself? Definitely recommend it.

Wow, soleil, I wish you were my WAW....LOL.

This made my day. Thank you

I am so sorry for all of you who's wives don't want to go to MC. That is why I think it's a good idea to go alone. It really does help having someone to talk to who is objective and doesn't know your life or story.

Soleil, I have been seeing an IC since the bomb. So, I will likely see him again, but I will not go to MC if she cannot even place the possibility of reconciliation on the table.

[tryingtilDorR]

Then, earlier this week, she says she never agreed to go for purposes of reconciliation. So, I am cancelling the appointment.

Sorry somehow I missed that detail in your thread.

Hmmmm. I don't know GIMA. I guess I might feel the same way as you if I were in this position since it feels like she would possibly use MC as another justification why things can't work??

From my perspective, I just think it would be intriguing to have a discussion about the whole situation with a 3rd party and the two of us (I have been seeing an IC for almost a year) but I would also be afraid that it would just be a "how to get divorced" session. At this point, I probably would be open to that discussion also it turns out.

[kara]

GIMA,

Have a great weekend.

[sandi2]

soleil, I was the almost WAW in my M and I wanted my H to agree to go to MC with me, and he wouldn't. I think for him, it was a matter of pride. He wouldn't talk to our Pastor or anyone. I tried once going to one by myself, but I saw right off she wasn't the one I needed to see.

It's ironic that the ones here on the board are the ones who would want to go to MC with their S......regardless if the board member was the WAS or the LBS.

[Butterfly1]

I don't know GIMA, it may be worth it to get her into MC at all costs. In my sitch, that was one of my goals and I have done anything I can to get H in there. Remember "ignore all of what they say and half of what they do?" Going into MC, for whatever reason she gives herself, is still positive. It will help out of limbo land. Get her in there and you can still talk about whatever you want and she's there to hear it. I'd do it. Don't give up.

[givingitmyall]

I hear you guys about the MC, but at this point, I am simply done with trying to convince her to work on the M. After 6 months of DB'ing, she says "nothing's changed" about how she feels about our M. I would say that took a lot of wind out of my sails, but it honestly was a reality check.

I am open to working on our M, but it's going to take two of us to make it work. And, unfortunately, I see NO sign my W has any desire or intention to work on our M. So, I do not see any benefit in MC right now. If she truly wants to go to MC, she's going to have to lay aside her pride and come to me about it.

I can honestly now utter the WAS "script." I am not attracted to her. I love her, but I'm not in love with her. I believe I could be attracted to her again and could fall in love with her again, but I cannot do that alone. She has to do the work as well. And she, quite simply, does not want to, for whatever reason. Reason doesn't matter, b/c the result is the same - she does not want to be M'd to me anymore. And while that's not what I want, I DESERVE BETTER.

[givingitmyall]

Last night W has S9 call me to let me know they have arrived at my in-laws. Spoke to S and D6. D says repeatedly that she misses me, in that tone of voice that clearly shows she misses me. Ugh! Keep you head up man.

After talking to the kids, W gets on the phone, well, have a good night. I say talk to you later. As I am hanging up the phone, I hear her repeating good night, but I just continue to hang up the phone as she is speaking. I did not intentionally hang up on her, but she may see it that way. And I don't care. Reality is no fun. But, I'm handling it.

Having coffee as I write this. I will shower up and get ready for the day in a little while. House is quiet with everyone gone, but that's ok. I don't feel lonely and it allows me to think better.

I am going to find something to do today. I will catch dinner and a movie with a friend tonight who is also a batchelor this weekend. Then I will find a church service for Sunday (I do not plan to return to "our" church - they hooked W up with her only "C" who enabled W's decision to D - so much for "christian based C'ing"). And that's the church where we were M'd. Too many memories there, and right now, too many bad ones.

[Looking_For_Help]

Hey GIMA,

Hang in there man. Our wives will soon feel the consequences of their decisions to bail on their marriages. We have made the necessary improvements to ourselves and no longer give our wives reason not to work on our relationship. Remember, they are long gone.

Go shopping and find yourself some studly clothing. Pamper yourself...go get a full body massage. Get a haircut and a shave. Go to the gym. Buy Christmas presents for the kids.

Just some thoughts from your friend.
-LFH

[Thinker]

I can honestly now utter the WAS "script." I am not attracted to her. I love her, but I'm not in love with her. I believe I could be attracted to her again and could fall in love with her again, but I cannot do that alone. She has to do the work as well. And she, quite simply, does not want to, for whatever reason. Reason doesn't matter, b/c the result is the same - she does not want to be M'd to me anymore. And while that's not what I want, I DESERVE BETTER.

What would happen if you went to the MC instead of refusing, but once at the MC you told her this.