I have takes to a lot of people about this. The WAS's that I have talked to say there's a feeling of hopelessness. Feeling that happiness within the marriage is impossible. Getting out seems like the key to their happiness.
Last comment, not a question. It is sad and disappointing that my W sees no other option AND refuses even to discuss/explore the possibility of reconciliation with a MC. If I am so sure of my position, I know it is unshakable, so I should have NO fear in it being questioned. That, coupled with she has NOTHING to lose by engaging in MC.
Join the club. Hence, why we are all here.
Be sure to enjoy your 'you' weekend.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
Looks like I have dinner and a movie lined up with a friend for Sat. night.
Tonight, I may rent a couple of movies and cook something on the grill and, who knows, maybe a cigar. No, how about I get a firepit and make a fire? Brisk here tonight.
That leaves Sunday night. We will just have to see what is available.
Last comment, not a question. It is sad and disappointing that my W sees no other option AND refuses even to discuss/explore the possibility of reconciliation with a MC. If I am so sure of my position, I know it is unshakable, so I should have NO fear in it being questioned. That, coupled with she has NOTHING to lose by engaging in MC.
Yeah GIMA. I feel for you and am sending you a big hug. I am the WAW in my sitch but I tried so hard to get H to go to MC counseling with me. He went ONE time! He said if we couldn't work out our problems alone then what was the point? It's been 2 months since I left and if he called right now and said, Hey I scheduled MC, wanna go?... I would seriously ask my boss to leave work a little early to do it, even now, even after all this bull$hit!!!!!!!!!
So again, a big hug to you. You are right...NOTHING to lose by MC, the way I view it!
Wow, soleil, I wish you were my WAW....LOL. My WAW basically told me that IF we went to MC it would be purely to be better parents and not to save our marriage. We have barely had any R talks over the last 3 months because I wanted to give her some space, and lo and behold, I receive divorce papers this week. It is devestating, especially around the holidays.
Me 44/W 32 S1 M8 Bomb 9/25/09 Separate houses (about 1 hour apart)
Wow, soleil, I wish you were my WAW....LOL. My WAW basically told me that IF we went to MC it would be purely to be better parents and not to save our marriage. We have barely had any R talks over the last 3 months because I wanted to give her some space, and lo and behold, I receive divorce papers this week. It is devestating, especially around the holidays.
Tough one there pit. Sorry. And I have heard the same thing from my W re MC, then she changed her mind, then claimed she didn't change her mind, so it's on to taking apart the M we go.
I agree soleil. Doesn't sound like you are a WAW, just someone who has enough self-respect for herself not to live in a R where only one person is trying. Good for you. Took me a while to figure that out.
Last comment, not a question. It is sad and disappointing that my W sees no other option AND refuses even to discuss/explore the possibility of reconciliation with a MC. If I am so sure of my position, I know it is unshakable, so I should have NO fear in it being questioned. That, coupled with she has NOTHING to lose by engaging in MC.
This was a bit of a wake-up call for me. My W has kind of had the same opinion. She was seeing an IC for a while and suddenly stopped in September. She told me it was because she didn't want to work on the M so there was no reason to continue seeing the IC. This really didn't add up for me. The IC was for HER not the M, although the C was a MC as well.
I was looking for our insurance card last week, and I found an appointment card in her purse for a MC appointment for both of us with her IC scheduled for September (that we obviously didn't go to!). It was right around the time she stopped going to the C alltogether.
She had mentioned previously that her IC thought it would be good to start bringing me but she never acted on it. I have a feeling the IC told her it is time to bring your H in with you and she decided she didn't want to do that and just quit altogether. This is also when she started looking at rental houses and making other moves towards leaving.
The reason she backed out of MC appt could be for the reasons you state above but twisted slightly - "There is no chance for M so why bother with MC?" Or, more likely, it is because she didn't want to discuss the issues I was having with the OM in front of a C, whom she probably had been less than truthful with on this subject. I suspect the IC knew this, since I believe she was in contact with my own IC during this time (I signed a release at the request of W's IC).
Enough mind-reading for one day.
Soleil is right - you have NOTHING to lose. I would have a lot of 'fun' going to a MC at this stage just to bounce things off a 3rd party since W and I have been in a sparring match for so long. Enjoy it as much as you can if you can but don't have any expectations!
Last edited by tryingtilDorR; 12/11/0909:29 PM.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
Soleil is right - you have NOTHING to lose. I would have a lot of 'fun' going to a MC at this stage just to bounce things off a 3rd party since W and I have been in a sparring match for so long. Enjoy it as much as you can if you can but don't have any expectations!
Oh, we aren't going to MC. W has said all along until 7 weeks ago no way, no how would she go to a MC for reconciliation. 7 weeks ago, she says she will go - I question her why and tell her I do not want to go if she is not open to the possibility of reconciliation. She agrees to go. Then, earlier this week, she says she never agreed to go for purposes of reconciliation. So, I am cancelling the appointment.
