Cogal you have had a rough time and you have been hurt so no wonder you are upset and angry. That's OK but what you have to do is get past it. If you hold on to it you are only going to feel worse.
Your H is far from perfect, but so is everybody. We have all made countless mistakes, we have all been cruel and foolish at some point. Look at your own behaviour honestly and you will see that much of what has gone wrong in your relationship is down to you. I know you have tried your best and done what you thought was right, but did it always turn out how you hoped? Its not what you wanted, but it just happened so now you have to work out a better way. And so does your H. This was not what he wanted either.
I think you H is worse at relationships than you, he has some problems empathising with your feelings, he is probably not very good at communicating. Maybe that is a character flaw but he did not choose to be this way. He did not choose to have Low desire levels. He did not do any of this stuff to hurt you. Having read these boards you must see that a lot of people are LD and it is not a reflection on their partners. This is just the way they are made up. You really have to stop taking it so personally.
Forgiving him is not going to be easy for you. But if he has to look critically at his behaviour and change so do you. You allowed it to get this bad before you did anything about it. You allowed yourself to believe his ld was because you are undesirable. I think you are chosing to believe he does not really love you despite all the evidence to the contrary.
I am not saying these things to hurt you. But I think you need to stop looking at your H as your enemy. This is someone you love and the only way you will save your marriage is together. You will have to give him support, encouragement and tell him things not leave him to try and read your mind. You can't do all that if you keep hating him for not being what you wanted. Accept him for what he is and teach him how to be what you need.
And if you feel you need a hug right now I bet he needs one too so you know what to do.
