Well, we had our first counseling session. It did serve to bridge the gap in our desire level...I don't have any desire at all for my H right now, and I'm the HD person in our relationship. He actually tried to initiate sex that evening, and I told him NO. He doesn't even need a hand to count the number of times I've ever told him NO in the 4 years we've been together; it just isn't something I do.
I've always told him that he put everyone else (friends and family) before me, and he's always denied it. The counselor immediately picked up on him bringing the "group" into "us" as he was talking. So, stopping that is his first assignment.
He was talking about his dad and said that his dad was his BEST FRIEND. I felt like I had been slapped at that point. I have supported him and been there for him in every way (financially and otherwise) over the last 4 years. His dad abandoned the family (wife and 3 kids) when my H was around 9. My H didn't really have his dad back in his life until he was around 19. His dad was an alcoholic and eventually sought treatment, going on to become a drug and alcohol counselor. My H and his dad talk usually once a week, but my FIL hasn't done anything to deserve the designation of BEST FRIEND. I can understand that my H has made peace with his dad not being there and has been able to forgive him; I can also understand that he would admire that his dad was able to turn his life around. I guess my H considers being abandoned something to value. The fact that I've been there for him in every way is evidently NOT something that he values. Of course, I immediately said (in counseling) how much that hurt me. My H started backtracking to say that a wife was much better than a best friend, but it was too late. Since he obviously does not appreciate anything that I've done over the years, I am not inclined to do much now. I also do not want his touch...I'm sure he doesn't even care about that and is probably very happy.
We have our next session next week...it should be interesting. I don't know that I can ever understand my H's reasoning or forgive my H for basically saying that I'm not important to him. At least I've finally quit crying after 3 days straight.
