K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up

I have felt this way so many nights and mornings this past year. Occasionally, I still feel this way. But it is less frequent now than it used to be. Every day I find a reason to get up. It might be my kids. It might be hope that maybe today things will change. It might be a number of things that I find to get myself up and out of bed and proceeding with the day. But I still do occasionally have those moments of wanting to go to sleep and not wake up.

When I was in Florida, it was really bad. I wanted to end my life. I called the suicide hotline. I got on some meds which I am happy to say that I no longer need to be on now and haven't been on in a while. But I was on them for months to just be able to cope emotionally. I saw no bright side of life or a future without my W and kids. I found myself wishing I would drop dead of a heart attack, a feeling I know my W also had towards me.

But those days are in the past. Now it is more of trying to be a divorce buster and not losing track of what I should be doing each day

Kevin