Think OW is here in my house right now!

[aflowergurlie]

Well, I haven't been at my house all week. Went home today at lunch to get a couple things and I will be back home tonight as well. But, when I was there, it looked like H hasn't been home at all for a few days either. Then in passing by his bedroom I saw some of H's ski/snow clothes strewn on his bed where he normally sleeps. So, I went in his room to take a look and on one of his bureaus was a printout (printed on Wednesday, same day he texted me and left voicemail message) of a city in North Carolina and the expected weather conditions there. Also, H's big suitcase was gone. So, I think boy wonder is off on another long weekend getaway (with OW no doubt).

Another stab in the heart. These are all things we were supposed to be doing together. I'm the one who got him all his ski/snow clothes in the first place. And now, he's off enjoying it all with someone else. THIS JUST SUCKS SO F+++ING BAD!!!! It sucks because I'm left with all these feelings inside of still just wanting to hear his voice and be with him and see him and I feel like I shouldn't want to at this point, with everything he's done to me. I just wish those feelings would go away. But I guess I have to keep feeling them and recognize that it's just going to keep taking time and I just have to continue growing stronger with each day.

Another part of me is wondering if H thinks I've been gone on a vacation or thinks I'm staying with "someone else" at the beginning of the week. I never told him I would be gone on a housesitting job this week because, well, I never tell him anything about my life or schedule. And it's funny how it coincided with the events of Sunday. But I'm curious if he just whipped up a quick trip, in an effort for tit-for-tat in his mind, or just to get away to keep trying to convince himself of his current path in life. This did not look like a planned trip like previously because he left things all in order then and was just way more organized and methodical about it, like he usually is when he plans to go out of town. Not stuff just scattered about and leaving clues as to his whereabouts.

I know it doesn't matter one inkling now, but my mind, especially today, and even before I saw all that, has a hard time shutting off with all this... sigh.