My H wasn't really controlling. I really do believe he has such a hard time expressing himself most of the time he thinks he is being helpful/supportive and he comes off like an ass.
When I was first diagnosed with Lupus I started meds that made my hair very thin and caused a very rapid weight loss. I just felt so ugly. I would try and express to him why I felt so ugly and terrified and he would say "you shouldn't feel that way". From his standpoint he was *trying* to say it will be okay and you are not ugly. Then I would try and explain to him that I *do* feel that way and why.
Unless he is talking to his parents about movies, golf or some other "safe" topic they do not communicate at all about "real life things". His entire family sweeps everything under the rug and nothing is ever addressed until one of them just explodes. Then the explosion happens, everybody acts like nothing happened and that cycle continues. His grandparents are like that, his parents are like that and so is he.
The OW is *very* clingy and needy and jealous of me. Not sure what she is jealous of as I have virtually no contact with my H at all. I know their R is filled with drama and they break up just about each day. My H looks like he has aged about 15 years and he just looks empty when I see him. I am not saying he is sad about me but I think many realities are hitting him in the face at once. I also know my H can't be alone.
I have know my H for 13 years and communication has always been very difficult for him. My family talks about EVERYTHING, that is how I was raised. His family talks about NOTHING so that is normal to him.
