Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[Coach]

Tell your BIL, "I have been advised to not discuss what is going on in my marriage."

[mulesqb]

[quote]
The antidote for this is detaching - have no expectations of the outcome. Doesn't mean you stop working towards your goals but you don't control the outcome by yourself. Your job is to do your best.

This.

[BobbiJo]

I would say this is her very obvious attempt to lay down a 'precedent' for her restraining order hearing next week. Although it is a bit late, she should have been laying the groundwork for awhile if she wanted to pull it off...

I would guess she wants to be able to say, "See, I have BEEN feeling threatened for awhile, I even told my brother about it last week...". She is trying to line up her defenses for whatever you may/may not do next. Keep her wondering....

[TrentC]

You know what?
I've been thinking about the BIL thing. She is putting out feelers to see if they KNOW anything. She knows I have been talking to them. Folks, you may be on to something here.

You don't have to expose the A to them yet; If the OM chooses to back off, there may not be a need to. The more you conduct yourself with strength, honor, and confidence, the more chance you have of bringing her back around (assuming the affair does get busted).

They'll find out what you know when she does -- when and if you drop the evidence from the PI on her. That's a lot more damning than baseless accusations from her about "feeling threatened".

[SoldierDad]

Coach, I did, very respectfully.
Also, I wrote to him, that if W asked him anything about me, that I haven't given up on M yet-that's all, nothing more. I told him DO NOT call her, or text her, or e-mail her with just that message. Only do that as a side note to whatever communication they have. Just so she knows there is another option. Was that ok?

[SoldierDad]

Trent,
I am not exposing to W family yet. I am waiting on further guidance from the board for that maneuver.

[Gnosis]

"Just so she knows there is another option. Was that ok?"

Yeah, that's cool. No problems there. And I'm glad you sent him that message. Information is power here. What you're thinking and planning should not be revealed to anyone until action is taken.

Couple of additional things:

1. Its easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
2. This board is CLASSIFIED. TOP SECRET. Do not reveal it's presence to anyone involved.

EDIT: When you land you're going into "intel gathering" mode. This is why I'm advising you to stay away from home for 24 hours when you land.

Your emotions are RAW. You're going to be tired from the trip. Your mental capacity will be diminished and you will be fatigued. NOT GOOD CONDITIONS. You need to be well rested for the onslaught that is about to follow.

The added benefit of this is that it is going to drive your W absolutely crazy not knowing where you are, what you are going to do and what you have prepared for her.

This is psychological warfare. Destabilize the enemy.

[SoldierDad]

Ok, another question.
during the TRO hearing on Wednesday, if her L starts trying to make me look like a bad guy, should I bring out the proof of the OM? I spoke to my L briefly about it, and he said it might be helpful if it starts to go bad, but if I do that, I lose whatever leverage with my W that i had-Thoughts?

[Coach]

here is how she will know you are a option:

- You stand up to her

- Your state your love by declaring that you won't share her

- You love and play with your boys

- You take charge of the well-being of your family

If she doesn't want that man then it's her choice.

[SoldierDad]

Gnosis, ther is NO WAY I tell anyone about this board. This board is my sanity and my lifeline right now.

OK, W just called me, twice. I did not answer. Will wait to see if she left message.