I have followed your sitch off and on. I'm happy to see you here but I will warn you--it's NOT easy. In fact this has been harder for me than the darkest early days post bomb. Good that you're seeing IC, I need to get back to that.
Have you read Not Just Friends or After the Affair? We worked through the exercises in AtA and found them very insightful and helpful.
You mentioned having H's passwords. Don't feel bad about checking up on him. When we first started piecing I would check BF's accounts almost every day. It definitely made me feel better to have the ability to check whenever I wanted. I did find some things I wasn't happy with but I brought it up and we dealt with them, a far cry from how things would have gone down in the past.
It's ok to feel your feelings. Just remember not to share all of them all the time. It can be overwhelming for you as well as H.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
