I am not sure if I ever shared this before but in case I haven't this is a very good example of why it's not only important to set boundaries but enforce them. Had I enforced the boundary I had set this night never would have happened.
After my H moved out and I learned of his affair (but kept quiet about it) I told him he was no longer to just use his keys and walk in like he still lived here. Legally he didn't have to give me the keys back because nothing had been initiated through attnys/the legal system yet. When I told him this was my boundary he was actually very nice about it, said he understood and in the future would ring the bell. This was on a Thurs. evening. On Friday he sent me a very civil e-mail stating once again he understood why I no longer wanted him to just walk in and he would respect my wishes.
On Sat. he was supposed to come over at 3pm and he showed up several hours late w/o so much a phone call. When he did show up he used the key, walked in, got himself a beer and some chips and salsa and sat on the couch like he lived here. I was so stunned that I actually stood in the kitchen and wondered if I was the crazy one and I had imagined our talk both Thurs. and Friday about him NOT coming in with his key.
Internally I was fuming but I didn't say a word. Big mistake. He watched the clock until it was time to go meet OW. He actually said to me "I am not trying to be mean but I have to go meet someone". Well I exploded. I was so furious he just walked in then watched the clock to go meet his GF. He then exploded back and said that he knew I didn't really mean what I said about the key. This turned into a very long, very awful, very explosive argument that easily was one of the top 10 worst nights of my life.
Now... ALL of this could have been avoided the second he used that key. I should have said "H, since you cannot respect my wishes about not just walking in here then you must leave". At the time I was happy with any crumb he tossed me so I let my boundary slide to spend time with him. It only resulted in him further disrespecting me, a horrid argument and additional pain for me.
