here we go again

[bluerain]

oh, no thats exactly what Im talking about. Just getting things out of your head and out onto paper.

I think that its totally up to you if you want to set a deadline. But the only thing that I will say about it, is keep that deadline personal- dont tell him I mean. Lots of people will sort of turn it around and say "My goal is that 3 months from now, I will see positive progress from H" Then, you can figure out how you will make it happen, set smaller sub goals, think about what exactly that positive progress will look like.

I really dont think that this part of it is something that you can do "wrong". This is all about you and what you are willing to put into this.

[Jstar]

okay then suggestions if i'm in lrt and totally dark? there is no contact or response i'm making at all to him at this time.

i kind of set a boundary of to the birth of my son. to me it's like if he can walk away with me being pregnant and with 2 yr old he can do it if i was on my death bed. what would be more motivating then the child the costs $1000 amonth in meds, prior miscarriage, would get you to get your [censored] together for your family both children? he hasn't supported me in any way during this pregnancy, when d2 was 2 months walked out then as well.

but maybe that's just me and my high expectations...

[bluerain]

Well, you dont want to talk to him, right? I mean, if he were to talk to you, what would he have to say for you to be willing to respond?

You havent actually gone through with the LRT, right? Or are you actively pursuing D?

If you really dont think that you can talk to him without losing your temper, or your cool at all, you dont want to break down either, then you probably shouldnt talk to him right now.

What if you let go of what he has done in the past for now. I am most certainly not saying that you should just forget about it, but what if you just started looking now for positive things from him? I dont think that this anger is good for you or your babies right now. And maybe if you can let some of it go (and its all deserved, I think) it can open a door.

I think that he has done some lousy things, and made some shameful choices. And you deserve to be angry. But, what is it doing for you? Is this anger helping you at all? Maybe it has overstayed its welcome, and its time for you to let it go and focus on your future instead of your past.

I guess that mostly Im just thinking "out loud" here.

[Jstar]

I do and i don't want to talk to him. i don't want to hear nothing but excuses and why he can't do this and why he can't do that.

I am in lrt, there is NO contact on my part at all, when he does call or text i ignore it, don't acknowledge it nothing. not that he calls often, usually once a week maybe twice. last time he tried being nice asking how my day was going so far and i just ignored it.

i have not actively pursued a D, all that is going to do is free me from any financial mishaps he does, i won't get child support and i do want my marriage to work out.

i feel like i'm at a standstill. i in a way want to come out of the dark but would not even know where to begin. i also feel that since he was the one to leave he needs to do some stepping up.

i thought this morning on way to work, maybe he will just go away all together, not pursue anything, he'll look up 3 months from now and be oh i guess my son is born. i really don't want that to happen. i would like him to be there as a reconciled or on the way work in progress reconciliation family.

honestly i don't know how to get rid of all the anger and resentment i have for him, him choices etc. i will write it down as you suggested and hope that some of it goes away.

trying to look for positive things from him, WOW, with no contact, no nothing i don't think there is anything positive other then my stress level lowered.

[Jstar]

Well guess this is a check in day for him. H sent a msg good morning how are you, how is my little one?

tell me should i be responding to this?

[soleil]

Jstar, when are you due?

[Jstar]

surgery tentatively set for week of feb 15th 2010.

[Jstar]

latest update: H has called my niece asking quesitons about me.

have you talked to jstar? When was the last time? Do you know where d2 is?

trying not to read into this but what is this???

[TrentC]

latest update: H has called my niece asking quesitons about me.

have you talked to jstar? When was the last time? Do you know where d2 is?

trying not to read into this but what is this???

Trying to push your buttons, maybe. Maybe he is genuinely concerned about you and your kid -- you didn't respond to his text this morning.

Send him something to the effect of "D2 are I are fine" and leave it alone.

[Jstar]

no i didn't respond to his text, nothing since i've been in the dark. I really don't know wht i would say to him. if he shows up in front of my face i'm trying to prepare for that in the odd event it happens.

also been think about a question that was asked of me:

what will h need to say or do in order for me to speak with him.

sorry, i messed up, i want to work on things, i set an appointment up for MC, i will do whatever it takes, let's set ground rules.

any suggestions...