Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[BobbiJo]

PS-Coach, I must be in MLC lalaland because I am so down with the tattoo thing! Well, at least the beers!

Let's get the rest of the boys on board too. Gima, Puppy, Rob, McQueen, Thinker, SP, EB, Trent, Gno....... you guys in???

What about the girls?

I wanna come too! I have never had a tattoo...

SD, I am so sorry for this. I caught my H in the hotel room with OW and had an eerie calm come over me. I never lost it in front of them..and I was there for over an hour! I ran into her at two work functions after that and never caused even a ripple of oa scene. You can DO this!!! Do it for yourself and your kids, not for her...keep the info to yourself, your CO, and your attorney. Give your wife nothing right now that she can try to twist or come up with an explanation for....

[SoldierDad]

All, I want my W back. I really do. I ache for her, even though she is acting this way. I feel her pain, and want to help her, but I know I can't.
I want her to want to come back to me, but deep down, deep down, I know she won't. She has too much pride to do that.
She is set on this, and hurting me as much as possible. I do think that the only reason she is hurting me so bad, is to make herself feel better about what she is doing.
I know she blames me for this, I know she does. She used to tell me that. I can only imagine what she is feeling.

I hurt so bad, and I will do whatever it takes to TRY to bring her home.

Please help me bring her home.

How do people heal from all of this? I just can't see how.

[TrentC]

All, I want my W back. I really do. I ache for her, even though she is acting this way. I feel her pain, and want to help her, but I know I can't.
I want her to want to come back to me, but deep down, deep down, I know she won't. She has too much pride to do that.

Don't rule anything out. The intention to keep walking away is very much part of the WAS script.

This is where trying to stay dark to her will help. If you don't give her a target to lash out on, she will come down. People can't stay that angry forever.

She is set on this, and hurting me as much as possible. I do think that the only reason she is hurting me so bad, is to make herself feel better about what she is doing.

That is certainly part of it. She needs to push you away to make it easier on her and the OM. But when OM is no longer an option, she'll have to think twice...

[SoldierDad]

Ok,
Honestly, after reading through my sitch, knowing what you know. I beg to ask: Is there any hope for me in bringing my wife home?
Please don't bs me, I need to know, what are the chances of bringing her home?

No way anyone can answer this.

Don't know why I keep punishing myself. Need to let it go.

[soleil]

As cliche as it sounds...only time will tell... and this applies to everyone's situation.

And it's so annoying to think/know that's true!!!!!!!!!!!!

[givingitmyall]

Ok,
Honestly, after reading through my sitch, knowing what you know. I beg to ask: Is there any hope for me in bringing my wife home?
Please don't bs me, I need to know, what are the chances of bringing her home?

No way anyone can answer this.

Don't know why I keep punishing myself. Need to let it go.

There is NO way to know. But giving up is the only technique that has one guaranteed result and only one option. If you think there is ANY chance you want to fight for your M and family, you should not give up. It is the easy way from this sitch. But is it the right thing to do? An equally difficult question to answer and one which it's too soon to answer.

So, you can always choose to go the D route and be done. But, if you aren't 100% sure AND you are making that decision to hurt her rather than it being the right decision for YOU, I would not make that decision right now.

48 hour rule - if it's a good decision, it still will be in 2 days. But then, you will be able to make a decision with emotion not being a large part of it. Just slow down on this issue for right now. You have enough to handle as it is.

[TrentC]

Ok,
Honestly, after reading through my sitch, knowing what you know. I beg to ask: Is there any hope for me in bringing my wife home? Please don't bs me, I need to know, what are the chances of bringing her home?

There are no guarantees. You can do everything that we tell you or an MC tells you, and she can still choose to walk. At the same time, no relationship is too far gone. My parents divorced and remarried within a year.

The DB'ing tactics are about changing the dynamic of the relationship in order to make her reconsider.

WAS's typically convince themselves that "you" are the reason for their unhappiness, and that you are incapable of change. Maybe you yell too much. Maybe you didn't tell her that you love her when she really needed to hear it. Maybe it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fog of the affair.

A lot of the thrill of the affair is in the secrecy; she doesn't have a real relationship with him. Once the affair is out in the open, it loses its thrill. And if she were to walk out, where is she going to go? Is she going to sleep with him in the barracks? Will she be able to afford an apartment on her own? Plus, she's dealing with another soldier -- what if he gets deployed? What if he gets busted for keeping on with her after his COC comes down on him like a ton of bricks?

The only control you have over the situation is yourself and your reactions. Deal from a place of strength, honor, and confidence; let her know that she has disappointed you and hurt you but that you think things can work out if she drops OM, and pray for the best.

[SoldierDad]

Trent No, they can't live in the barracks. She will definately making a lower lifestyle change if she leaves me. But, I honestly believe that she doesn't care right now. She could afford an apt, if she gets CS from me. If no CS-she will struggle.
How do I do that at this point? I think it is much too early to even suggest that, but I am probably wrong. How is this addressed? Thanks.

[TrentC]

Ok, Trent
How do I do that at this point? I think it is much too early to even suggest that, but I am probably wrong. How is this addressed? Thanks.

Well, hopefully the affair is about to be busted. I don't have a military background, so I don't know what can happen to him if he keeps on with her after he is ordered to stay away.

Stay dark to her; anything you say can and will be used against you, and I don't necessarily mean in D proceedings.

Spend time with the rest of your family and your friends. If her family tries to reach out to you in a supportive manner, let them know that you appreciate it and want things to work out for the best, but don't go into details.

I'm sure Coach and the others will have useful advice as well.

[Gnosis]

I beg to ask: Is there any hope for me in bringing my wife home? Please don't bs me, I need to know, what are the chances of bringing her home?

If you keep reacting to her... ZERO.

You want to know the honest truth? Very few of the situations here have been successful. So you're working against the odds.

Coach & Greek are successful.
Puppy Dog Tails has his W back.
RobX is playing the field and has his W chasing him while he makes his decision.

Your chances for a reconciliation were ZERO before you found this board. Your odds are more favorable now... if you can follow the advice you will be given -- NO MATTER HOW crazy it sounds. You're in the midst of battle here and don't see the overall picture.

Your first steps in exposing the affair to COC are good.
Next steps in exposing to family should be put on hold.

Go and take that darned run I told you to.