Kevin, how do you learn best so we can change our approach when we post to you?
I have learned a great deal. I realize that people have different ways of getting their point across. I am ok with that. The point being made is the important thing for me, not how it is delivered. The insight is invaluable and really helps me to think about things in a different and better way for how to approach future situations when they occur.
I am just not the best at applying it when I need to. Sometimes I am better than other times. I do apply alot, but when I don't or miss an opportunity to apply a good DBing technique, it does seem to get magnified. But I still draw from it what I should have done in the situation.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
If Kevin asks her for the favor, then he needs the backup plan. He also should just happily accept her yes or her no or whatever else she chooses to say to him when he asks.....
Agreed. I haven't had a backup plan. I need to look into one somehow.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
My point is that maybe it isn't Kevin that isn't getting it
I do get it. I just don't always remember to use it when I need to.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kevin is the only one that CONTROLS whether he WANTS to CHANGE his DYNAMIC.
This is very true. I desparately want to change the dynamic of things. I was doing better at it, but here recently slid back into caving in front of her.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I personally feel the advice that both 25 and CG have been offering is priceless. Michelle couldnt have said it better herself. If Kevin would take the time to REFLECT on all these posts he might actually starting THINKING instead of just REACTING which is one of the top ten characteristics of an ADDICTIVE personality.
That is where I started slipping again is reacting before thinking.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Interesting that she always seems to meet with recruiters at night. That is just a little strange.
No it's not, being a recruiter it is very normal...If I have what I feel is a strong candidate I make myself available...STOP OVER THINKING EVERYTHING.
Good to know on this. I didn't realize that was actually common.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I don't know about anyone else or how they handle child situations but with my first exh (we have a great D relationship) we each have first right of refusal. If something comes up then I call him first and ask if he can take the kids, if he cannot then its up to me to find alternate childcare. He does the same for me. I want to be asked first to take the kids. Why would you (or they) want to be with someone else besides a parent if it was at all possible?
I would prefer first right of refusal as I love being with my kids. W doesn't always give me that option. Half the time it goes to her mom or a baby sitter. I'm not sure why the baby sitter gets priority over me sometimes.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
