A Choice

[Serenity13]

Pat ~

I haven't posted to you before though I have been reading your sitch - You have some of the best veterans posting to your thread however no matter what they are saying to you, you are allowing fear to control you.

You agreed with your W that you belittle her, smother her, say mean things about her fam etc...You also stated that you worked on these things and she has noticed improvement on your part - Good - Continue along these lines.

I am assuming (and correct me if I am wrong) - she knows how you feel about her cheating...You have told her, I am sure in no uncertain terms, you are not willing to share her nor have an open marriage?

If so then this...

She has only removed her dailies from the house (some clothes, make up etc...) and as we still share bills and a cat and a dog, she stops by to pick up the mail, play with the animals etc... while I am at work

needs to stop. She wants out then let her know that she can't continue to come in a play house whenever she feels like it. Let her suffer the consequences of her actions. Let her find her own place and pay her own bills etc...Separate your finances before one of her friends plants a bug in her ear about how much she may be "owed". Trust me - Women are vindictive and they will screw you when you least expect it if they feel it is justified.

Coach stated for you to look at Nomads thread - Did you have a chance to do it? If not you really need to take the time...

This has nothing to do with an interracial relationship and more to do with something in your W is broken.

my W is still telling me she does not know yet what she wants to do, come home or MC.

That is because she is a cake-eater and until you close the bakery, she will continue to state these things.

Re-read what Coach, Deep, Puppy and Cutter have stated to you...

All the answers you need are right there...

You have to be willing to take the leap first...

Going dark isn't easy...

If you can get to the point where you "act as if" you aren't married, it will be much easier - I don't say that as in go and bed hop, date etc...

I don't buy that theory though it does work for some, I say that so you don't allow your heart to become bitter and judgemental.

Your S is older then mine however in doing all the running around by myself, I can see how easy it is to allow thoughts to enter my head (ie: Why? How could he? How come? etc...)...If I allow these thoughts to enter, that may make me become a bitter and hateful woman and I choose not to sink that low.

Fear isn't a feeling from God - Fear is a tool of Satan and by allowing it to control you, you are not allowing your Faith in God to work.

You stated you believe in God, you have prayed for His guidance, His wisdom, His words to speak to you...

~Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own
understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He
shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6~

They already do - All you have to do is be open enough to read them, feel them, allow them to fill you.

You have taken the same stance a lot of us have...

You have chosen to put the troubles of your marriage in His hands, now it is time for you to leave it there and move forward to work on yourself while He works on your marriage.