I think Frank is suggesting that maybe you forgot what it is like to be pursued and passionately loved by a real man.
Yep, I think this is key! By someone who is that into you... you will cross hot coals for and they for you!
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I think Frank is suggesting that maybe you forgot what it is like to be pursued and passionately loved by a real man.
Well said Kerry. And I think Virtually REALLY summed up well the issues here.
Hey...I don't care if Kalni's H needs therapy, time, holding, etc but damn...if you're in, COMMIT and get to work. Put the freakin' ring on but say, "honey, I'm really trying"; give the flowers and say "I know I don't show it but I really love you and want to try"; touch her, hold her, caress her....tell her you need time to build it back but DEMONSTRATE that you are re-aligning.
And I agree that if her H is withdrawing, something else may be going on. The recidivism rate is, well.....you know.
I'd venture to say that ALL of us men here would know what to do if we f'd up: we'd be home everynight; we'd put a tracking device in our cars so our wive's could see where we were; we'd call home if we were late; we'd turn our computers, cell phones, etc.
Even Michele says there comes a time to do what must be done. It's call the LRT. Familiar? The only thing about this, as we all know, is that once you pull this bomb out, you have to light the fuse........
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
BBJ, you only 'kind of' want to punch him in the face? Huh. I want to tie him naked to an african fire ant hill and pour honey all over him and leave him there to suffer. This man is not a man at all, he's a coward. Plain and simple.
Maria, you deserve better, you know you deserve better. Your children will be fine. He isn't giving you all anything more now that he has claimed he wanted to R than he did before.
Something is rotten in the state of Denmark and it isn't Herring!!! He's up to something, hiding still, being a complete and total tool.
Do what you need to do Maria. Do it ASAP. Move forward and stop letting his lack of action dictate your future.
Guys, I havent forgotten how it feels like to be loved by a man that wanted me ( )
I think he feels he has time. I think he feels I am granted. Since I agreed to try with him after the affair and the lies, why cant I accept him being a bit ...late, indifferent or whatever. I think he cant face the work. I think he has no motive to. The love is not that kind of love, you know?
We exchanged messages. I was supposed to let him know the address where my D's gymnastics's show would take place on Sunday. I sent him a message saying it was cancelled. His answer was "But I have already taken the day off, I am working Sat instead".
I replied with a "Sorry we messed the weekend up for you, I am sure she will understand". (I know, lame, dont [censored] care).
His reply made me furious. "My Maraki (pet name, my dad calls me that), what is that? Stop, dont talk nonsense, she doesn't exist...".
As we say in Greek "Who saw God and wasnt scared of HIM?"
I sent him back a few really nusty messages. He replied he is not lying to me anymore, she doesnt exist etc etc. I just said 'Ok your truth is no good for me anymore, enough, it's over"
LRT? The only thing I could do is filing. And now I have to do the same chit again, ask him to sign etc etc. K
Have you ever told him that you have a time line in your head, that you think these items of trust must be addressed now or they obviously won't be at all and so what is the point?
Perhaps he feels since you were still there during his affair that he does have a lot of time. I would let him know that he doesn't and be specific. No one likes vague.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Talked with H. Settled the next 4 weekends with the kids. I told him I want this to end. He said he is constantly trying. That I am a person he loves and has spent his life with and wants to spend his future with. Sounded a lot like a friend.
He got upset when I said : "This is the end. This is not your home anymore, please stay away while I'll feel better again. We are single, free to do whatever we feel like, lets just keep it away from the kids..."
He kept saying he thought we were trying and he wanted to try some more. I told him, its not enough, I don't want to try any more. He said, ok then, agreed, I will do as you please this time.
It was a much harder conversation. He accused me of being competitive and a few other things. Raised his voice too. But I know this time it was because he felt upset and mad at me. We discussed the anniversary. He said he got scared, blocked. I said to me that cant be explained. He said I didn't respect the day his mom die (next day of our anniversary) and called him and told him all those things and screwed him as he said it. I 've respected that day. Enough with his mom though. I thought he was depressed about his mom all the time he had the affair...
I am going full force ahead. I am not saying its over yet. I cant believe it yet I guess... K
If he wants to respect his Mom, he should be thoughtful to his own wife. I'm sure if his Mom could say how she wanted "her day" observed, it would be by showing love to his family. But I never met his Mom.
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