Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[TrentC]

She basically admitted the A, but again-NO CONSEQUENCES for her!!!! She does what she wants. I want to see some results from this, it just seems to be making things so much worse...

She'll start seeing consequences when her boytoy tells her he can't see her anymore -- at least, not if he wants to stay out of trouble.

And this fight isn't about instant gratification. It won't be today, it won't be tomorrow, but at some point she'll feel the repercussions of her actions.

You need to focus on being the strong, honorable man that your kids deserve as a father.

[SoldierDad]

Trent, I hope and pray that you are right. I can't believe this is the woman I M. What happened to my W? My whole life is turned upside down because of her selfish reasons. I DON'T DESERVE THIS.

[SoldierDad]

I still need to know if I should reply to the e-mail that she said I threatened her?

[soleil]

If you reply just say you didn't threaten her like what GIMA said and leave it at that. No more writing her.

How is she contacting you? Via email? Text?

[Gnosis]

Should I reply to the e-mail about the threats?

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.
Because it gives her proof that you have read it.
Because she knows she's pushing your buttons.
Because you will reward her.
Because... a thousand other reasons that don't come to mind.

I am hurting so bad right now.

We KNOW the feeling. Channel your anger, frustration and pain into something you CAN do... Get the F*** off this board now and go do a 10 mile run.

Stay away from your trigger points which for now is: email, texts and telephony.

She basically admitted the A, but again-NO CONSEQUENCES for her!!!!

Those are coming.

I want to see some results from this, it just seems to be making things so much worse...

Rome wasn't built in a day.

As much as you're going to hate this, TIME is your ally and PATIENCE is going to be the most painful lesson you're going to learn.

Go and burn some energy on something constructive.

[Coach]

I still need to know if I should reply to the e-mail that she said I threatened her?

When in doubt lay low. I wouldn't respond. I would ask the attorney you hire about it immediately.

Do you see how she's going to play now? You can't match her emotions to be effective. You are not the first soldier deployed to have this happen to. Keeping your COC informed early on helps your cause. I promise she is going to look, act and say things that are designed to throw you off course. You will not recognise her. Has our intel been off until this point?

[SoldierDad]

W is contacting me via e-mail.

I'm not gonna respond, It is just too much.

I gotta let the system do the work for me now. I have an appt. Monday evening w/atty. Also, have confirmed that we will be at restraining order hearing as well. My L, tells me that the judge will probably let me have the boys, split at x-mas this year. Also told me that i CAN go to my house-calm, cool, colected. She might call police, and if so, remain calm. L also said that W would probably WANT me to take kids so that she can go do her thing.

[SoldierDad]

Coach, you guys have been spot on. I just didn't think it would get this NASTY. Also, I see in other sitch's that there are almost immediate signs of WAS having second thoughts etc.

I dunno, I guess I got the REALLY defective WAS!!!

She is playing so mean, and so nasty-lying on me some more to her attorney. I am interested to know what she is going to present that says I threatened her. I am amazed that this is the woman that gave birth to my boys, and who I absolutely adored, and loved.

She turned SO FAST on me, the M, my boys. It's so disguisting to me now. I feel physically ill.

[Coach]

Coach, you guys have been spot on. I just didn't think it would get this NASTY.

"Because no one expects the Spanish Inquisition!" (That was for all the Monty Python fans.)


We know her tactics and her resources. Anything you say to her will be like pouring acid on her. So don't bother communicating. All her threats are just words. It's going to be nasty from her side, that's what your L is for. Can you imagine the enemy is spreading lies about us?

Remember the Stockdale Paradox now - retain hope/confront the brutal reality. Nobody can take away what is inside of you. That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

So what food are you going to go eat when you get home?

[SoldierDad]

Wow, I haven't even thought of that!

I'm thinking of taking my boys to a nice steak house-a good steak, and a baked potato sound really good. My boys aren't going to know what to do with cooked food, and not fast food.

Ok, Coach. My L said that I SHOULD go to the house and stay. She may call police, but that I need to stay calm, and cool. Police will make decision after.
Also, I already told my L about W affair/PI etc-not really the reaction I was looking for, but I told him. Obviously I need to tell my L everything right? What are some key things I should focus on?
Thanks.

Also, and I know this is a stupid premature question, but when do I expose the A/OM to her family? Is this something that I will do as a last ditch effort or something to that effect? I can't figure out why the wait to tell family. It would really open her B eyes to her lies - I dunno. I know dumb question.