So why continue to do what isn't working? It isn't working to keep giving Kevin 2x4's. <snip> I find it fascinating that many KEEP on telling Kevin to do the very things they can't stop doing with Kevin. Which is to stop that which isn't working...
... and that's why I've held my peace. You can only help those who are willing to try.
I read all of your posts. Thank you for the good advice. I need to apply it better. I thought I had been recently but I kind of backslid again I guess with these latest interactions it seems.
Believe me, it irritates me to have to work with my W when she so blatantly has no respect for me. But again, I feel like I have to at times knowing that I will need her assistance at times also when it comes to the kids.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I didn’t want to reschedule my appointment tonight. But like I said, I realize that from time to time I will need favors from her when it comes to the kids. So I agreed to do this tonight.
The thing is that I can’t always give her advanced notice either when it comes to having to stay late at work. Sometimes I have no choice and I need to be able to rely on her to get the kids that night. My bosses aren’t always understanding when it comes to meeting deadlines that they sometimes ridiculously set knowing it will be difficult to meet them.
K4D, is there anyone else who can help with the kids if you are working late? I know how it is in IT and there are always emergencies or whatever at work and you get stuck. So, maybe a friend or neighbor can help you out with the kids sometimes.
Me-44 WAW-42 (ILYBNILWY) S-16 S-14 M-10/17/1992 T23 Met OM 10/10/08; Bomb 12/27/08; Moved in with OM 01/27/09 Me stronger and happier everyday!
Well, if you and your both know you might have to work late without having advance notice why don't the two of you put your heads together and come up with a backup plan when this happens?
That is not to say you won't help each other out but sometimes it might not be possible. You say your idea about a backup plan, let her state hers and go from there.
I am not sure what you mean about Kevin standing up to me. He asked on another thread for my opinion so I gave it to him. He can take it or leave it, either way I responded because he asked me to. One response sort of leads to a conversation and I was under the impression we were just sharing opinions and ideas.
Sure, our opinions differ greatly but differing opinions can challenge both of us to think. I view this as a forum for advice and support but I don't read one thread where we don't challenge each other. I like that.
I agree CG. I did ask, and I appreciate your input. Otherwise I wouldn't have asked. You do challenge me like so many others on here do.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Agreed. There are more than enough people here who are willing to listen to advice and put effort into making real changes; no sense in wasting time on people who aren't.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
K4D, is there anyone else who can help with the kids if you are working late? I know how it is in IT and there are always emergencies or whatever at work and you get stuck. So, maybe a friend or neighbor can help you out with the kids sometimes.
ppenton, I think I am going to have to start looking at that as an option since it seems to becoming more frequent. I'm just not sure who I know that could help out in those situations.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Well, if you and your both know you might have to work late without having advance notice why don't the two of you put your heads together and come up with a backup plan when this happens?
That is not to say you won't help each other out but sometimes it might not be possible. You say your idea about a backup plan, let her state hers and go from there.
She has had her mom as a backup plan when I can't. I haven't had a backup plan because I don't know who can back me up when it happens.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I think some people are just more passive by nature. I am one of them. I hate conflict and will avoid it if I can. Its a tough place to be and some things that work for some peoples situations don't work for others. Different BS, different, WS, different dynamics altogether. I get 2x4'd alot on this board, and probably for good reason but when I step away from the computer and have to deal with exh I take what everyone says with me and do my best. It may be frustrating to some when we don't do what is needed, but that is why we are here isn't it? For help and support. I appreciate it all!
SO2,
I perfectly agree here.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I am not sure what you mean about Kevin standing up to me.
Well, to be quite honest with you, I sense that you talk the same type of way to Kevin that his wife seems to talk to him.
You are telling me you don't see that? you are direct,to the point, take it or leave it, you should have this, you should have that, I told you this before, I told you that before, you should tell her this,.. (that is the attitude I sense in you with Kevin from my observations)(please note I didn't say it was right or wrong.. but just my observation)
I see that when you give him advice or a 2x4 he also reacts to you as he does his wife.. Which is him apologizing and saying he will try harder. He allows you to rip into him again and again and again and then comes back for more. You then say "well he asked for my advice, so I gave it to him".....
Which again is similar to his relationship dynamic with his wife.
That's what I see. I also see it in MLC25.. Same type of dynamic...... I wonder how long before one of you will come to the conclusion that it isn't working.. You, MLC25 or Kevin... (his wife came to that conclusion)
