h is in mlc, now threatening divorce...

[Gnosis]

1. Keep up the NC
2. Examine yourself and identify EVERYTHING you do that makes him feel that way. (incl. body language, pouting, rolling eyes etc.)
3. Work on yourself at removing these triggers. Play scenes in your head and "readjust" your behavior.
4. Don't listen to the D talk. If there is no OW this is his self-defense mechanism firing off.

NC is difficult for you because of the kids. This is also your advantage. Give him small tasks to do that he can accomplish.

e.g. 1. I'm running a bit late can you give S/D a ride to XXXX?
When he does, thank him for being there for you.
2. The fawcett is leaking... can you have a look at it?
When he fixes it. "Thanks, I knew I could rely on you and not have to run around looking for a plumber.."

Get the picture? Make him FEEL useful. Make him feel like a man. Don't patronize him when giving honest and sincere appreciation. He needs to feel respected and capable.