Just sent a prayer your way. And yes, YOU WILL get it. Thanks for all the support. You're a GREAT friend to have. Keep the real "you" shining. Your H sees it and its a fundamental key in getting him back.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Had another call from H today, right before I was going to lunch... Another, "checking in" call. The attention is nice, but this is odd. He's REALLY nice.
So, I have two cuuuuuuuuuuute outfits packed for the weekend. Tonight the boys and I are going to drive to the town where the bball tournament is (after the varsity game here - shoot me!). H will come home, get ready, and meet us up there in the am. He doesn't get in until really late on Friday nights, so we aren't waiting for him.
This should be a fun weekend.
Still formulating that "discussion" in my mind... It's just not the time, now.
Any input on how to be since he's SO nice? (I'm not saying he's not usually nice, but he can get snarky, and he's unusually nice. Maybe I'm just learning how to handle him....?) I've just completely stopped calling/txting him unless it is absolutely necessary. I was doing well w/that in the past, but not as well as I could have. Now, it's to almost nothing. I do answer cheerfully, and am nice and engaging when I talk to him, and I sometimes have to call him back, instead of answering, as I am handling two boys and four teams of practices and games!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Nothing to worry 'bout for now. Gave you a brief update on my thread.
Originally Posted By: mindfull
Still formulating that "discussion" in my mind... It's just not the time, now.
Sorry, can't remember which discussion that was... but you're right... NOW IS NOT THE TIME. Enjoy the weekend and have fun.
Originally Posted By: mindfull
Any input on how to be since he's SO nice?
Keep doing what you've been doing... it's working isn't it? Don't fix what isn't broke.
The real you is attractive. He's seeing that again and is getting interested. Keep dangling the bait. He's gonna have to bite sometime because you aren't doing anything the chase him away.
Oh, and just in case, add a pack of condoms into your purse.
Gee, ST... you couldn't have described our life (prior to 12/2007) any better!! Down to what "I" thought was "our" cause...
Hmmmmmmm.....
ST - So, H loves to be adored. D18 fawns all over him like he's a freaking legend, the funniest thing that ever lived, etc... You can just see him SOAK it up. I mean, come on, I've heard all of these DUMB jokes 800+ times! And, she just LAUGHSLAUGHSLAUGHS... Asks her friends, "Did you just hear that one?" And, "OH, Geez, DAD, tell that story again about the blahblahblah...." I think she gets him better than I do! LoL Maybe I need to work that?!
something to think about!!! I've been in Dallas, so I'll check up on everything soon
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
GUCCI, STEVE, GNO, TRENT... Thank you for posting all of this good stuff. It is time to create some CRISIS on the home front. THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!
OK, guys, I singled you out on Britt's thread, because I see, to a MUCHMUCHMUCH lessor degree some of her H in mine. Mine has not left, mine really does not treat me bad, and mine does not run around like a single man. My H "claims" to be just plain here for the kids. Frankly, I don't blame him to some degree, based on the year leading up to his ILYBINILWY (12/07) speech. HOWEVER, since then, after spending a year doing the wrong things, I have changed. His "issues" w/me, have been answered by sincere self introspection and work. He didn't like my constant need for new "things...," said he'd never be able to make me happy, said he didn't like that I wasn't interested in him sexually (see ST's sex life issues/thoughts, etc... on prior page - US to a T!), etc... Since then, I've almost completely shopped all of the boutique shopping, have been "satisfied" w/my existing car, encouraged the sale of our home (when we had a potential buyer, AND showed interest in homes that were MUCH lower in value/price). In fact, he made a comment at Thanksgiving... "Wow, W, remember a few years back, we would have had Thanksgiving dinner catered by the country club. This year you want to get a free turkey by dining out at (the local restaurant). Things have changed, huh?" Me.... "Yes, I guess so. This is just fine. I enjoy cooking for all of us myself."
SO, the lack of contact during the week is WORKING. He is ATTENTIVE, to the point of (almost) annoying! CHECK!
We had a really nice weekend away with the boys. S12 had a bball tournament (they did well!), and we stayed at a nice hotel nearby. Saturday afternoon (after the games) we had lunch at a cute pub in town, and then I noticed all of the quaint shops. We all went through a few of them, and the boys (including H) were so NOT interested. So, I offered to let them all off of the hook, and "Why don't you boys all go back to the hotel and chill? (They were all yawning, and H was severely sleep deprived.) I'll do some xmas shopping on my own, and not bore you all to death." When I got back, we all got ready, and went to dinner at a great restaurant. Yesterday, we had two more games in the am, and then we went to see Trans Siberian Orchestra (surprise for H since he had to miss it because of work, once...). He made a few snarky comments about the seats (AWFUL since we got them so late), but all-in-all we had a good time. Had dinner afterwards downtown, and all came home...
Sounds great, but it's really, just OK... The bond is either broken or very loose at this point. H always wants to be w/us, but he sits by me, but not close to me, talks to me, but not really w/me, etc... It's hurtful, and I know he sees the pain in my eyes sometimes. My mind wanders, and I tear up (look away, walk away, etc...). If he notices, he doesn't ask what's wrong, he tries to engage me... almost over the top, probably trying to make it better.
SO, I like the idea of acting as if this isn't working for me. I need a committed H (emotionally and sexually). I'll work towards it, but not do anything crazy until after my heart procedure on the 28th.
For now, I'll finish the holidays w/my usual smile on, but am welcome to suggestions...
Thank you, all. You're really saving my life.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Glad to hear my thread has helped you. You're right, my H is running around like a single man. Its sad really. You leave, have the nuts to come home and continue like nothing has changed. Except that you have confused your W and children extremely. The damage is done, my S3 is convinced daddy is home for good, and sleeps with us and lives with us and we're a family.
I'm glad you H has a much bigger head on his shoulders. Probably the 25 yr age difference. Your H being 45 mine only 25.
I understand the comment you made on being with you and talking to you....but not really. It does hurt, as much as your H wants to be there and is there, its this occurence that hits the heart. But you seem to be gaining ground and you are doing what's working, so keep going. You are still fresh at this. I have full confidence you will succeed.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
I'm not fresh at this... I started a year ago w/the DB'ing. It was great for getting us to a place where we could co-exist and be very good friends. Prior to that it was a year of him having many, many ups and downs, and me being incredibly emotional. DB'ing gave me center, focus, and the ability to see small results at a time when I needed something.
I need a LOT more than that now.
It's time for him to man-up, once I've woman'd up to him after the holidays.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
It's time for him to man-up, once I've woman'd up to him after the holidays.
I like that.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I've been in Dallas, so I'll check up on everything soon