Ok, I have signed out on leave. And am finishing up my last minute stuff. Question: What if, my W tells her L about the A? Do I still have leverage? I mean, what if my W just tells her L, and the L tells her to stop seeing OM? Am I still in good shape? I am certain my W is going to go through with D. I am CERTAIN. I have GOT to let go of what she is doing/thinking.
All things that are out of your control. If her L knows, then, if he's a decent L, he will be frank and honest with her about the implications and consequences she has brought upon herself. It's leverage you will never know you have - but which will reveal itself in the end. And, what is done is done - she can't unring the bell at this point.
And, yes, you have to let go of what she is doing/thinking, but that is part of the process. It doesn't happen overnight. But you have to keep walking along that path.
gima, is there anything I can do as far as stopping that restraining order? I haven't threatened my W in any way shape or form-bank on that. She has nothing in the form of an e-mail or letter, or anything, that shows that I was/am in any way, shape or form-violent. How can they just issue a rest. order based on nothing? Also, am I allwoed to go to that hearing for the rest order? Is that wise? I would like to hear what is said, and defend myself-with legal counsel of course. Thanks.
Last edited by SoldierDad; 12/11/0903:07 PM.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
gima, is there anything I can do as far as stopping that restraining order? I haven't threatened my W in any way shape or form-bank on that. She has nothing in the form of an e-mail or letter, or anything, that shows that I was/am in any way, shape or from-violent. How can they just issue a rest. order based on nothing? Thanks.
I dont think you can stop the hearing.
Well, if she is willing to lie (and borrowing from Puppy, "All cheaters lie"), she can make up a basis and have the restraining order granted. You REALLY need to hook up with a L asap - I would make that your first priority on your plan when you get back. Do you have any relatives who can make these preliminary calls for a L while you are in the air?
See the L first, before you take any position with W on the restraining order hearing.
HHas she told you about it or did you just see it online? Have you seen any of the pleading to see what her basis/bases is/are? This is something your L will handle and can be handling while you are flying home.
SD - That was bothering me, as well. If you have truly not done anything, what's the basis for it? Surely, you can't just request one!! Otherwise, some of us may have a long list
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
gima, no just saw it on the county web page. It wasn't there yesterday, so it was recent. W is almost dark with me. I will contact L ASAP, as hearing is wednesday. Although, now that I think about it, I'm NOT supposed to know about this hearing am I? I mean, I was given NO notification, and the only way I found out was looking at the web page. Thoughts?
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
SD - That was bothering me, as well. If you have truly not done anything, what's the basis for it? Surely, you can't just request one!! Otherwise, some of us may have a long list
One of the things I tell juries in trials where I represent the Defendant is that no one sits at the Courthouse to check whether ANYTHING in the Complaint is true or not - that's why the statements therein are called ALLEGATIONS.
And I tell them all it takes to be a Plaintiff/Petitioner (party filing the lawsuit) is a word processor and a check for about $150.00.
gima, no just saw it on the county web page. It wasn't there yesterday, so it was recent. W is almost dark with me. I will contact L ASAP, as hearing is wednesday. Although, now that I think about it, I'm NOT supposed to know about this hearing am I? I mean, I was given NO notification, and the only way I found out was looking at the web page. Also, can I just go to the courthouse when this takes place and go inside the courtroom? Thoughts?
Last edited by SoldierDad; 12/11/0903:19 PM.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
SD-here is all you need to know about your W. She is fully detached from you right now. Whether or not that is a permanent thing, I have no clue. So please stop worrying about her reactions and her thoughts. Stop trying to figure out her moves. You are only going to get hurt more and more. Bro, I was there. This is a big moment for you. You need to get where she is.
You've done all the scouting you can do. You know the opponent. Now it's time to gameplan. Get yourself an attorney. If you are ever going to splurge on something in your lifetime, a good attorney is way better than any flatscreen tv or luxury car. They will help you get your life the way you want it, as best they can. Give the attorney everything you have. Hand all that stuff to them. Then concentrate on your boys.
Grieve when you can. Let it out. It's important, and quite frankly, it's healthy.Enjoy your two weeks as best you can. But stay focused on the gameplan of protecting your assets. When your two weeks are over see if you can get some IC for yourself. It can't hurt.
Keep posting here, every 10 mins if you have to. You will get through this, I promise you. Have no expectations. Your sitch will not necessarily play out the same as anyone else's here.
You can handle this. We all know you can. And we're all here for you.
Strength and Honor bro!
Mules
PS-Coach, I must be in MLC lalaland because I am so down with the tattoo thing! Well, at least the beers!
Last edited by mulesqb; 12/11/0903:21 PM.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
gima, no just saw it on the county web page. It wasn't there yesterday, so it was recent. W is almost dark with me. I will contact L ASAP, as hearing is wednesday. Although, now that I think about it, I'm NOT supposed to know about this hearing am I? I mean, I was given NO notification, and the only way I found out was looking at the web page. Thoughts?
The fact you have not been notified doesn't matter most likely. In my state, a person can get a temporary restraining order (TRO) without notice to the party they want to restrain. It lasts for 30 days and is meant as a stop gap maneuver until a hearing on a preliminary injunction (which requires notice to the party restrained). can be scheduled Get in with a L, NOW.
Contact the JAG for help and I like the idea of getting someone to get L on your behalf for the hearing. Getting some information on your rights, options and building your team will help you settle down. Stay busy to keep you mind from racing. That's where a mantra come in handy to, if you don't know what else to do then this is your fall back. So when I was "on the floor" I would touch my hand to my heart and say out loud to myself, "I can handle it." Let our positive voices be heard in your head over the dark and pessimistic thougts. Then place your own voice in your head. Speak strong, confident, loving and wise to yourself.
"Love your neighbor as you love yourself."
Take care of you first right now.
Strength and Honor. Visualise yourself getting off the plane, striding down the ramp to see your boys. Nothing else matters. You can handle this.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
