SD, I echo Greek's thank you a million times over. I cannot comprehend the sacrifice you and our other folks in our military make to preserve our way of life. We can never adequately repay you for what you do.
Ok, on the report being with your CO, let him handle that part. Do you know if he will disclose that report to OM's COC (I would assume they would need that)? In any case, don't worry about that aspect. Right now, "embrace the suck" as Coach says. Let the emotions run their course, then pick yourself back up and make your plan.
None of us want to be here, but this place has allowed me to grow in ways I never thought possible and keep my sanity. It gets a little slow over the weekend, but I will keep an eye out for your posts this weekend.
Greek, I PROMISE all on this board, I will NOT do anything rash, or hasty, out of anger, or spite or jealousy towards my W. I PROMISE. I also promise to come to this board daily, if not hourly, to get words of wisdom. I want to do this right, and not let my emotions get in my way. I will get through this defining moment in the middle of my life, I WILL persevere...
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Soleil, thank you. That makes sense. She will know for sure that I know then.
Not necessarily. For all she knows, it could have been someone at the barraks or even a friend of hers who told his chain of command of the A.
Right now, do not focus on what she may or may not know. Keep it to yourself!
And try as best you can to restrain yourself when you see her. Be cool, calm, collected and all that jazz. Hold your soldier head up high and do not show any signs of anything wrong in front of the kids.
Do you have family or friends in the area you can go and stay with as soon as you're picked up from the airport?
Greek, I PROMISE all on this board, I will NOT do anything rash, or hasty, out of anger, or spite or jealousy towards my W. I PROMISE. I WILL persevere...
Good on you. Sometimes we can reallly surprise ourselves at how calm we can remain. Let it sink it really deep that when you see her you will NOT react. You will love yourself a million times more afterward if you don't. DO NOT give in.
YOU CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN DO THIS!!!! We all have your back, even if it's only virtual!
Soldier, all I can do is offer you tactical advice because I'm not too clued up on your entire sitch. Here are some facts on your wife from what I've read so far:
1. She is good at manipulation, emotional blackmail and gaslighting.
2. She is getting legal and tactical advice from somewhere.
This is why she is taking out the restraining order against you. This could be a reaction from something you sent her that she feels threatened by. Points she will use to get the TRO: a) You're a trained killer, b) emails containing threats c) verbal accusations (even if they are false)
This is why it is important you act IMPECCABLE in her presence. From now on you ALWAYS have a witness standing by you that can testify against any threats.
3. Right now (for whatever reason) she is going to go all out to hurt you emotionally and financially.
The woman you know has ceased to exist. She is no longer there. As difficult as it is, accept this.
Courage under fire. Get legal advice. Draw up your battle plan. Gather your resources. Identify what it is you want to get out of this.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I know exactly how you feel. You feel validated because now you know...but the flip side of this is that it hurts. It is very difficult to keep those images away as I operate in the same way....replaying what I though happened.
Now you know...what are you going to do with this information that helps YOU, not her? Sounds like you are going in the right direction and getting some great advice here. Best of luck to you.
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4
Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
Ok, I have signed out on leave. And am finishing up my last minute stuff. Question: What if, my W tells her L about the A? Do I still have leverage? I mean, what if my W just tells her L, and the L tells her to stop seeing OM? Am I still in good shape? I am certain my W is going to go through with D. I am CERTAIN. I have GOT to let go of what she is doing/thinking.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Question: What if, my W tells her L about the A? Do I still have leverage? I mean, what if my W just tells her L, and the L tells her to stop seeing OM?
Soldier, if she admits the A to her L, he will definitely advise her to stop seeing the OM while all the paperwork/legalities are worked out. Whether she chooses to or not, who knows?
But that's not your problem at all.
Hang on to the "evidence" you have and again, do NOT share it with her. This is your leverage, so do not show her what cards you are playing with. Do not engage. Do not get emotional. Be cool!!! Focus on the kiddos and again, remember, you are a soldier. You can get through this!!!
