Moving on with my life!

[Startingover2]

Wow..yes I am listening. Bottom line is your right. I am fighting hard for a M that was riddled with problems right from the start, ended badly, and he is showing some interest. Why? It probably has alot to do with me and my own issues.

I do on online course and it would be a good idea to work on it when he is here. Right now the only times I can is when baby is sleeping.

I did get the prescription but I didn't order the stuff for him. I know he is a mooch and its what he has done for a long time. I like your response with humor. I will try that.

His R with his exw is decent. She left him for another man. They married very young and she basically outgrew him for a faster, more glamourous life. She met Mr. Hollywood and went from there. She has 2 young twin daughters with her new husband and uses exh alot for rides and such for their kids. He also works for her family and they baby him. Always cleaning up his messes.

My kids are 20, 18, and 16. The oldest has moved away and the 18 year old is in shcool and doesn't get home until after 7 if not later. The 16 year old has practice every night until at least 7 and is with his dad half the time. I do have family here locally which helps and spend a bit of time with them.

I feel stuck. Like I said before its difficult being my age with a toddler. Most people my age kids are nearly grown if not already. Maybe subconsciously I do look at exh as my last chance. Sick and twisted yes, I know.

The wrestling match was good. Driving there and back in the pouring rain was not. He won in the first period. I love wrestling for the most part but there are some times I get so tense...mostly when body parts are twisted, pinned and turned in unnatural directions. He plays football too, that just ended a month ago. All of my kids have been athletes and we have traveled alot for thier sports. I love it. That has been my identity for so long as well. So involved in my kids lives and now they are one by one leaving. The 18 year old plans on moving out next summer. Hard for me, but I let them go.

So yesterday when I was on my way up there exh texts me asking what we were doing. I responded that I was driving and he asked where? I told him where we were going. Immediately he called and proceeded to get mad because I actually went alone to this match in the rain and how stupid it was. Well, I don't miss my kids stuff and people drive in the rain all the time! He wouldn't miss his kids sports due to rain. He kept saying to me "Real good decision SO2". I finally told him I have managed all this time without him just fine, and we will be fine.

Baby is waking soon so I have to be quick. 25, you are so spot on with exh isn't a good bet and alot of why I hang on has to do with my own issues of being alone maybe. I have never really been truly alone until these past few months and I have never felt unwanted if that makes sense.

I was just talking to my 18 year old D this morning and she was very upset and had been crying last night when we got home. She told me that she was mad because her boyfriend was going out with his friends tonight and then most likely going to this local bar/dance place (we only have one here). She can't go because she is underage. He has been going a bit more in the past month than he had before. She said she saw what happened to me and didn't want that to happen with him. My exh lived at this place when we were S the first time and people in this town love to report what they had seen there. It will happen to her too, although I don't see her boyfriend doing quite the same things. Anyway, I told her that telling him he can't go won't work. He needs to make that decision on his own. She said she is worried about the booze and women factor. I feel bad for contributing to her insecurity with him. I don't think he is the type of guy that would cheat on her, but you never know.

I know I need alot more from him to even consider R. Alot more! I do have to admit the attention is nice and maybe what I have been lacking and craving. Its been me and baby, sleepless nights, lonely, and sad for a long time. I think VD asked me awhile back if it was another guy would I feel the same way? Maybe. I haven't been looked at twice since I had baby and I said before the few times friends tried to set me up with someone it was shot down because thier kids were grown and didn't want to start over with a baby at thier age. I get that. but it does take a toll on your ego and self worth that your are loveable. I have told myself over and over i don't need a man to make me happy, but it would be nice to have at least a choice in the matter...make sense?