feel like giving up - talk to me!

[soleil]

Luv,

Have your kids called H on it or said anything directly to you about it? I don't have children but I can't imagine what that must be like...

I'm not gonna act as if I'll die cuz he doesn't notice or talk to me.

This is the way to be. Eventually the script will flip and HE will be the one thinking, What is going on in her head and not the other way around. Victory!!!

I was just telling my best friend these mind games are so immature. I love my H but I'm starting to see him as very unattractive.

It IS immature and of course you will not find him attractive while he's doing this. It's only logical. How on earth would you be drawn to someone who is acting like a stranger?

If I come out of this - I don't know how I will get rid of all the resentment he has caused me

I've seen you mention "resentment" a few times before and just wanted to say that it makes sense. When someone repeatedly hurts you, your good feelings for them tend to go away. Everyone has a different experience in this life but I will say to you that your sitch hits very close to home with me because the silent treatment and someone coming home without saying Hello to you day in and day out, sulking, will eventually eat you up, no matter who you are. I don't buy that " you allow someone to treat you bad" because who the hell wants to be treated badly? Especially when you've called someone out on their bad behavior & told them it's unacceptable and they've continued to do it? It's not like an acquaintance you're dealing with and can brush off... It is your SPOUSE. Ugh.

So anyway, back to "resentment"--I started to resent my H earlier this year when I could see the hot and cold was a pattern, not something that happened every blue moon. I had even pin-pointed when his "shut down" would occur (roughly every 2 months) and during these times, it felt like I was literally losing my mind, so painful. I think what happens is we start to lose our "emotional safety" with people when they do things like this. And ever since I started feeling this way toward him, I have never been able to erase it, I am sad to say.

For instance, we went out on Sunday, had a great time, but two days later I am still remembering how cold and alone I felt when he'd do his "cold" time... Wish I had better words of advice for you but just wanted to tell you that I get where you are coming from w/ regards to the resentment. It's like, how much can I build up happiness for you again just so you can break it/me back down? Does that make sense?

Cutter, those song lyrics are lovely.