Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Thank you Sandi,

I can see so much of my own sitch in this that it gives me both hope and pause.

...he kept saying that he needed to know that I was willing to throw 100% into working on our M.

I don't think I say this that often, but I feel it almost constantly. I don't press her for committment, but whenever we do get into an R discussion all I get from her is "I don't know, I can't force anything, I don't feel anything, I don't see you in my future, I don't think it can work." - but she doesn't want to proceed with D. I get very frustrated and just want to say "make a decision! Commit or leave!"

The problem I had at that moment was I had thrown myself into my M 100% all those years before and I was exhausted and had mentally & emotionally given up and was why I was vulnerable to the EA when it happened. I was still exhausted and trying so hard to deal with not continuing my EA....not contacting OM, etc. So, all I could give my H at that time....was to tell him that I was willing....to be willing. That was as much as I could do right then.

I can see that. The most I get from my w is that she is "willing to take things day by day". She is willing to "see if maybe she feels anything", but doesn't make any real outward effort.

He wanted to see me completely turned back into the old Sandi overnight..... He told me he wanted his old W back

This I completely understand. I look at the way my w was a number of years ago and say "I want that back!".

I told him I wanted that too but that she just wasn't there right then but I would try hard to find her again.

This I don't hear from my w. I hear "I just can't, there were too many years of too much.. (non specific complaints)"

Thank you for your support and the descriptions of your history. It really does help me understand my w and help me find more patience.