Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Coach,
of course-they are all over!!!. Why is it she wrote what she wrote? About not caring? Why didn't she argue, or try to get more info from me? This is what my W is good at-manipulating me into thinking I am nuts!!! My chain is doing everything they can to notify his, not sure if it will happen today, but they told me they are doing everything they can.
Is a cease contact order something I have to do at the courthouse, or do you mean through the military? Because throught the military, my Chain is going to deal with it/him.

[Gnosis]

SD, where you've been others have been before. This is the best advice I can give you and I hope you take it.

STOP panicking!!!!! Right now you're under fire from all directions and your mind is your WORST enemy at this moment.

PULL BACK!!!! from the situation. Take cover. DO NOT CONFRONT the enemy until your battle plan has been thought through.

DO NOT NOTIFY the enemy of your presence. Do not let anyone know you are going home! When you get back stay at a hotel.

1st things 1st: Find a lawyer immediately to try squash that restraining order.

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. Your family needs you.

[SoldierDad]

Gnosis,
I agree, I did panic. I thought I was in control this morning, then slowly as the day wore on, I felt like I was losing control. I know I am in control.
I have to stop trying to read what my W is doing/thinking. I just thought that she would react differently to my statement/boundary.
I have some appointments with lawyers, not sure what can be done about the restraining order though.

I will get through this, I will.

[soleil]

Why is it she wrote what she wrote? About not caring? Why didn't she argue, or try to get more info from me? This is what my W is good at-manipulating me into thinking I am nuts!!!

Soldier,

I am so sorry to hear that your fear was confirmed.

She wrote that because she doesn't think that you know and is acting like it's a non-issue for that very reason.

Believe it or not, you have already set the wheels spinning in motion in her head. The fact that you told her you won't share her with anyone, while she's acting like it's not true, trust me she is at home thinking about it and hard. Because now the seed has been planted in her head that you *may* know something but probably not because you haven't shared what you know with her.

As everyone else has told you, DON'T. Keep it to yourself, hard as it may be and STOP contacting her from here on out. You are the bigger person here by doing this. And actually you are driving the car right now, so to speak, because you have all of this information AND you found out that she's going to get a restraining order on her.

This is what my W is good at-manipulating me into thinking I am nuts!!!

She cannot manipulate you. Remember that. You know you are not nuts because you now have the proof. You are in control. Keep saying it in your head.

Because of the restraining order, I would cease all contact with her immediately.

I hope you have a good flight home and while I can't tell you to put this out of your mind right now (because you won't), try very hard not to go crazy when you get home.

Think about your kids. Let them be your sole focus right now and what is best for you and them.

[givingitmyall]

SD,

You are getting some great advice. Please listen and, more importantly, FOLLOW IT. Right now, you are in no position emotionally to make tough decisions.

On the restraining order hearing, is that something through the military courts or is it in your state court? If in the state court, there is a Federal act (which you probably know about) called the Soldiers and Sailors Relief Act that prevents lawsuits against our military folks while they are on active duty. It sounds, though that you are coming back home for 2 weeks, so it may not apply.

I would strongly recommend you retain a L asap when you get back. You do not want to handle the hearing without representation. I am a trial lawyer. In my 15 years of practice, I have NEVER seen an unrepresented party do well against a represented party.

I know you don't feel like it now, but strategically, you are in a good place. Don't blow it by tipping your hand right now. She will find out you know she's lying at a time and place of YOUR choosing and when it will benefit you and your boys most. That has to be your focus right now along with letting the emotions you have run their course.

I'm pulling for you and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep your head up. You will find strength through this process you never knew was possible.

[Greek]

I just want to know why I shouldn't tell her a little of what I know. I think she needs to know,

BECAUSE IT'S PART OF YOUR BATTLE PLAN! That is why you SHOULDN'T tell her anything! And yes....she does NEED to know IN ORDER TO PLAN A SUCCESSFUL DIVORCE!

Calm down!

Really? You want to try to understand what she is doing and why she is doing it? Here's the skinny! Everything she is doing is so that she can divorce you and take all your stuff with her when she goes. There! That's her plan and she is executing it.

What is your plan?

SD ~~~ please. Listen to this forum. Measure your words with her. Be strategic, not emotional, when you deal with your wife. She does not have your best interest anywhere near her heart. Protect yourself!

Greek

[SoldierDad]

Soleil, thank you. That makes sense.
I am keeping what I know to myself. The big bomb will be when OM chain of command confronts him. She will know for sure that I know then. I just need to keep a level head, and keep the upper hand through all of this.
I am leaving in a few hours, and will be out of touch for a day or so.
I am praying that my W brings my boys to the airport to greet me.

[givingitmyall]

I am keeping what I know to myself. The big bomb will be when OM chain of command confronts him. She will know for sure that I know then. I just need to keep a level head, and keep the upper hand through all of this.

Unless you told your COC about the evidence you have, don't be so sure about that. Don't be surprised when OM denies anything is up and tries to make you look crazy. Strength and honor man - you know what you know and you are all business when it comes to that.

[SoldierDad]

gima,
My senior enlisted advisor has in his possession, the actual report, with photos, plate number, room number, bar they went to, etc. He is leaving to go to the states at the same time as me - different flight. He told me it will be taken care of by the time I hit the ground.

[Greek]

Safe travel, SD.
And thank you again, for your service.
Greek