Sorry Pat but tough love will push them closer. Its a calculated risk. But no less a risk than letting the affair continue on do nothing. At least you will gain some self respect back.
I, myself, choose love. My spouse. God does not believe in D.
I beg to differ with you.
You have little faith.
You don't love yourself.
You can't give away what you don't have.
You are afraid, is God telling you to be afraid?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I do have faith and I do love myself.... I just happen to also love my W.
God does not want me to be afraid. With his strength I move forward. I have prayed over this.
I pray consantly for HIS wisdom. I understand that when he gives it to me, I must put HIS words into action.
He may be using these forums to help me. I have prayed for HIS guidance. As I do not believe that HE wants me to be afraid, while still realizing that I am human and imperfect, I am just trying to do the right thing to regain what HE entrusted me to begin with... My W's heart which I have failed to take proper care of.
I am just tried of making mistakes....
And please, do not think I am taking all the responsibility for my W leaving, I just know that I did not do my part as well.
God believes in reconciliation. I know this because the BIble states this. I want this, my M to reconcile.
I realize that I do not need W. I just want her. She is my best friend. Even now, in the mist of our situation.
I, like most, never thought we would be here. Just trying to figure out what is best... praying over it and waiting.
BTW... you beg to differ w/? "God does not believe in D" or that I have little faith because I choose to love my W.
I would think that if I needed my W, then I would have little faith and probably no love for myself because I would be relying on her for all my needs etc....
I am ok, just lost like most... searching for answers
I appreciate the insight... I will pray over it!
Me 43 / W 40 T 29 / M 15 S-18 11/4/09-ILYBINILWY 11/10/09-Separated 12/1/09-W admitted EA 12/5/09-W admitted PA 12/24/09 W say "I love you"
"A GOOD MARRIAGE IS NOT ONE WHERE PERFECTION REIGNS"
Thanks! I will try. BTW... is there anything I can do that will speed up busting up W's A. Without looking like the bad guy.... I want to break up A quickly (as we all do) but do not want to push her further into OM's arms.
HINT: If you're worried about the second part, you're not ready to accomplish the first part.
See one benifit of being dark is that you begin to take away reasons for WAS to be angry at you for your current actions. It leaves them with the past to deal with. It also allows you to claim the present. This is a very critical step you must do. Claim the present. For it will allow you to come to terms with the past and also build for the future.
I haven't posted to you before though I have been reading your sitch - You have some of the best veterans posting to your thread however no matter what they are saying to you, you are allowing fear to control you.
You agreed with your W that you belittle her, smother her, say mean things about her fam etc...You also stated that you worked on these things and she has noticed improvement on your part - Good - Continue along these lines.
I am assuming (and correct me if I am wrong) - she knows how you feel about her cheating...You have told her, I am sure in no uncertain terms, you are not willing to share her nor have an open marriage?
If so then this...
Originally Posted By: patpat
She has only removed her dailies from the house (some clothes, make up etc...) and as we still share bills and a cat and a dog, she stops by to pick up the mail, play with the animals etc... while I am at work
needs to stop. She wants out then let her know that she can't continue to come in a play house whenever she feels like it. Let her suffer the consequences of her actions. Let her find her own place and pay her own bills etc...Separate your finances before one of her friends plants a bug in her ear about how much she may be "owed". Trust me - Women are vindictive and they will screw you when you least expect it if they feel it is justified.
Coach stated for you to look at Nomads thread - Did you have a chance to do it? If not you really need to take the time...
This has nothing to do with an interracial relationship and more to do with something in your W is broken.
Originally Posted By: patpat
my W is still telling me she does not know yet what she wants to do, come home or MC.
That is because she is a cake-eater and until you close the bakery, she will continue to state these things.
Re-read what Coach, Deep, Puppy and Cutter have stated to you...
All the answers you need are right there...
You have to be willing to take the leap first...
Going dark isn't easy...
If you can get to the point where you "act as if" you aren't married, it will be much easier - I don't say that as in go and bed hop, date etc...
I don't buy that theory though it does work for some, I say that so you don't allow your heart to become bitter and judgemental.
Your S is older then mine however in doing all the running around by myself, I can see how easy it is to allow thoughts to enter my head (ie: Why? How could he? How come? etc...)...If I allow these thoughts to enter, that may make me become a bitter and hateful woman and I choose not to sink that low.
Fear isn't a feeling from God - Fear is a tool of Satan and by allowing it to control you, you are not allowing your Faith in God to work.
You stated you believe in God, you have prayed for His guidance, His wisdom, His words to speak to you...
~Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6~
They already do - All you have to do is be open enough to read them, feel them, allow them to fill you.
You have taken the same stance a lot of us have...
You have chosen to put the troubles of your marriage in His hands, now it is time for you to leave it there and move forward to work on yourself while He works on your marriage.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Write this up and read it 100 times a day. Read it until you dream about it.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Now go read every thread people have started that have posted in your stitch.
Then when your done with this fear take some time out to think.
Think what will happen to your marriage if you let the affair continue. Think what will happen to your family if you let the affair continue. Think what will happen to you if you let the affair continue.
