Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

Update on today....not much. (absence of bad news is GOOOOOD!)

Got a friendly TM from WH this morning. When he came here from work, he was nice and liked the pics I picked out for Christmas cards. Then I went to my Bunco game and had fun.They noticed I lost weight so that felt good! When I returned, WH inquired about my evening and told me how it went with our son. He wasn't in a hurry to leave and lingered at saying goodbye...check in with us tomorrow...etc.
He noticed the kitchen was sparkly clean. (It was a disaster yesterday from me baking cookies)He made a comment about how "we" blah blah blah. I just waved goodbye and told him to be careful on the icy roads.


I am doing something totally sneaky...the cards we will send to our friends and family that KNOW about the A will have only our son's pics, name and age on them. But I am still not telling my friends from work and they are expecting cards so I am creating another set for them that says our names and has photos of us. I had to find one that doesn't show WH's left hand because there is no ring (I know it's pathetic). BTW I am not wearing my ring but haven't since third trimester of my pregnancy so I thin people assume that it just doesn't fit yet.

I figure if WH files for D, I can always tell them he blindsided me with his A and not tell them I was waiting for him for so many months. I mean almost this time last year I was blindsided (aren't we all) and didn't know what was going on and in March, I was 99% ready to D. So it is possible.

I mean if we R, it would be nice to have some people that didn't know about the A for us to be around, you know?

Anyway, about 2 more weeks until Christmas. I am just looking forward to getting it over with. At least I have my beautiful baby boy! Sorry for the pity party--I do not believe in feeling sorry for myself too often because it is not productive.

Damn I wish I knew what he was thinking!!!!! But asking him directly is just useless. I do feel like I am doing a good job today and the last few days at staying calm and in control of myself around him. I saw this in Newcomers by Norm14 quoted by Puppy Dog Tails:

I don’t know how I do it. I guess I just keep thinking, “If you want to bust this A and save your marriage you must control yourself.” And, in a bizarre sort of way, I feel a sense of control. They think they know something I don’t. But I know, and that gives me a sense of power. At times, I view them like two little kids who are playing hooky from school and think they are pulling something over on the teacher. At the same time, I am able to feel forgiveness (but not tolerance for the A) for them both. They’re human, and they’re doing what humans sometimes do, even if it is the wrong thing to do. They’re confused, although they don’t realize it.

In my experience, people who are able to master the above attitudes about their sitch, are the ones that are the most successful in being able to DB. By far.

Puppy

So when I am feeling in control of myself, and I am CONFIDENT the A will end at some point sooner than later (whether or not we D), I will be inspired by this post!!!