hoping for better times to come

[avermont]

Hi Maplegal-

Just catching up on your posts. Really, bravo to you for making the speech as well as you did. And for having the courage to dig to find the knowledge about OW that you need to know.

Holidays must be very hard (one reason to be thankful I am Jewish! It's not nearly so hard). I send you warm thoughts so you can be strong for your daughters and make the holidays as whole as they can be.

I have screamed/cried into many a pillow. It hurts like h*ll but feels good afterwards.

I also got my doc to prescribe anti-anxiety meds (as well as anti-depressant) The anti-anxiety med is very helpful for when you have to have a planned confrontation with H.

Of course, if you are good at breathing, focusing on the moment, etc, you don't need the prescription aids--and more power to you! but don't be afraid to ask your doc for some if it will help you stay focused and calm when you need to be.

[maple]

thanks for all the support. My emotions are riding high coupled with a few hours of sleep last night, I am holding it together pretty well. Only lost it a few times today.

Dropped off the kids at my parents and they asked what H wanted for xmas.
So I told my mom "Don't bother with a present as I think H is going to move out for a bit to his sisters. Things are not going very well btwn us. I don't know what is going to happen over xmas. And I don't want to talk about it." I didn't really want to tell them but felt I could not hide it.

This morning DD4 said "I saw daddy with someone". I asked who and she really did not have an answer. I need to monitor what I say on the phone even if I don't think she is listening.

H came home after work a little earlier than his usual time (approx by 45 min).
Kids and I were eating dinner. They ran to the door to greet H and then came back and ate with me. H stayed in the kitchen and fixed himself something to eat.
He hung around upstairs until their bedtime. I have not spoken one word to him.

I guess I just wait and see if he moves out - I gave him till the end of the weekend.

At this point in time, I think all the deceit over the years along with current affair is the deal breaker. Reading those emails from 2008 made me sick - just the graphic content and his attitude in them. [I think I have located her home phone# from details in the emails. She is married - they joked about her H.] It totally sickens me.

Back in 2001 when we got back together, I told myself I was giving him a second chance and if he screwed it up, I would never give him another chance to hurt me again.

[Lll54]

Maple gal, those little ones are sponges. Even when you think they are so oblivious, they really aren't. Its amazing what my three year old has picked up about our sitch. The things he says sometimes bring me to tears because I can't believe he actually heard and remembered that! We do need to be careful, they seem young, but they are feeling this too, and probably normally wouldn't care less about what we say, but this is such a sensitive time in their life as well and just like any human they care!

I will be checking in over the weekend. Good luck. Hugs!

[rockedworld]

Hi Maple,

Just checking in to see how you are doing. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

How your H responds to this coming time will tell you a lot about if this is repairable or not. I didn't have a previous breakup or other infidelities to look at, so choosing to work on repairing the M is something I could do when H ended the A. For you, you have a lot of factors to consider, and it is not easy.

Either way... you are doing the right things you need to do for you and the kids right now. You have taken a stand about what you will and will not tolerate.

You are a strong, amazing woman and you can do this!

Keep breathing, eating, and... I agree with Avermont, if you need meds for anxiety and/or sleep to get you through for now, there is no shame in that. I've taken both and still need to at times. You need to be able to function for your kids and to stay strong and make the choices you need to make.

keep in touch and let us know how you are doing...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Maple,

How're you doing today? I hope you got some much-needed sleep last night; the kind that comes from a tough-job-well-done.

Please give us an update when you get a moment.

Puppy

[pitinmygut]

Way to hold your ground Maple. It could be so hard, especially around the holidays.

Please keep us informed.

[maple]

I don't have much to say.... I am just waiting.....I gave him Sunday to get out.... 2 more days to go.

H came home again tonight. Still have not spoken a word to him and H has not said anything to me. Kids watched animal bloopers on the computer with him. And H finally went downstairs when the kids went to bed.

I was going to pack up all his clothes in the master bedroom but realize I need to wait just in case he does not move out as requested. Then I can pack it all up in boxes to show him that I mean business. But what if he refuses to move, then what?

Still exhausted but doing ok. I have another busy day tomorrow taking the kids to a christmas symphony concert for tots and gingerbread decorating. In some ways, I am glad its the holiday season because there are so many extra special holiday events I can share with the kids to keep us busy. Just not looking forward to when we have to figure out what our exact Christmas eve/day plans are.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

But what if he refuses to move, then what?

I'm thinking that eventually, he'll realize that it's just easier to move out, what with all of his stuff keeps getting boxed up and put out on the lawn and all . . .

[Ready2Change]

I'm thinking that eventually, he'll realize that it's just easier to move out, what with all of his stuff keeps getting boxed up and put out on the lawn and all . .

If you put a big fire pit in the middle of the lawn, those boxes would be a great addition.....LOL

[avermont]

Does anyone have any legal advice about "making" him move out? My BF wanted me to move to the other half of the house (it's a duplex, rented apartment) so that he could have OW in our house--and I wouldn't notice as much from the apartment. I'm not sure what made him realize that was and inhumane situation to request. I had no legal grounds to "make" him leave.

Is Maplegal just relying on his conscience/discomfort around the house to make him leave?