Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Talked to W briefly today. Kid stuff. I had texted her about Sunday. She mentioned to D10 going to an event we always went together as a family. It's my weekend though. She told D10 she traded Sundays with me. I got them last week while she was in Chicago and she could take them to this event.

That's not true. I got them last Sunday so she could go shopping with her mom and leave the girls at home because she couldn't afford to take them since we're separated.

She never mentioned this Sunday.

But I let it go when she called. D10 and D7 really look forward to this thing every year -- they get a present -- and I'm not going to stand in their way. The only weird thing is that W said I could bring them up there. I hesitated. I didn't know if she was saying I could come to the event or just be the driver.

She jumped in and asked if she wanted me to pick them up and then drop them off after. I said yes.

A good day overall. I'm doing an end of decade project at my job -- my idea and I get to do all the research -- and that helps me take my mind off things.

I stayed late and then headed to the Y to shoot baskets. Did that for 30 minutes and then ran a mile.

Then for some strange reason, it hit me, as much as I love basketball, I would rather be at home with my family. I bounce around from idea to idea -- move home in January and force W's hand, just file for divorce in May and cut the cord or trust that I am the "one" for her and wait it out.

I still haven't been able to control my thoughts. Oh well, a week to my next counseling session.