Can I save my marriage?

[gucci loafer]

Britt..

PLEASE.. Do not try and set any boundaries regarding his use of the blackberry. That is a silly boundary and it is unecessary and means nothing to what you are trying to accomplish. Totally not needed here and would actually hurt the situation because it can be perceived as controlling... etc. etc..

However... STAY OBSERVANT... Yes, it could mean he is communicating witht the OW.. We still need to be observant and get the facts....

You deal with the blackberry issue like we have been telling you to act... YOU are in YOUR OWN WORLD.. Distant.. not too talkative... busy with other things.. not paying attention to him.. (he doesn't THINK you are paying attention)..... matter of fact, maybe YOU should be on your own cell phone more while he is on his..........

Follow the plan.. He needs to WONDER what is up with you and why the different aura you are giving him... Your attitude to him should be..
"you can be on your little blackberry for 24-7.. 365 for all I care.... I have things to do.. ta ta.. talk to you later alligator"

He asks what's up... "nothing.. just busy and have a lot on my mind"...... matter of factly.. and distant.. not rude, not mean...

just in your own little world.. (kinda like he is doing to you and look how it makes YOU feel huh?)

Hold the line here. The blackberry is not a boundary issue. If he wants to play on it while you are watching a movie... let him..you aren't his mommy and able to tell him when he can and can't use his own blackberry) if you don't like it.. then YOU go do something else or go to another room.. (not as if you are angry.. just up and leave the room when he isn't paying attention)

[Ready2Change]

I see information overload here. Britt, let us know how we can help you.

[motherof3]

I see information overload here. Britt, let us know how we can help you.

I agree. Nothing like coming at you from all different angles.

[Steve McQueen]

I see information overload here. Britt, let us know how we can help you.

I agree. Nothing like coming at you from all different angles.

I dont know, as long as Britt sticks to the Walk Away Wife script the whole situation will 180 (a LBS pun). This site is a testament to how well it works.

The blackberry is nothing, as much as she knows he is trading goulash recipes with his hockey buddies. Question I have though is you said you live in a small town. There must be someone you know who knows this tattoed OW. People know the skinny you just haven't found out who yet. Which of your friends knows the friend that has seen them or over heard them?

[courts0818]

Hey Britt,
Sorry If I got the blackberry issue started. I was just venting what my H has been doing. He's on his constantly, but I he know at least a portion of that time he's on ESPN - bc he's a sports junkie.

I've been following Gucci's suggestion...I act like I don't care that's he always on it.

Anyway, sounds like you are doing a great job with the always confusing sitch. Keep it up, girl. You're strong!

[praying_in_GA]

Hugs to you Britt!!!

I agree with Guch here. Let it go.

Stay strong!!

[Lll54]

You know, its so nice to have struggles and need advice to help you get through those struggles and to come on here and receive help in the most needed way, so thanks everyone.

I have received quite different views from everyone and I don't think anyone is right or wrong. Heck, who am I to say what's right and wrong, that's why I ask for advice!

But I will say that I fell Gucci may have a good valid point. I was acting happy and "as if" today and I could tell it was getting to H. He kept asking, "what's up with you?" "why you acting so weird?" blah, blah, blah. I did backslide a bit actually before I read Gucci's reply. I walked into S3's room and H was wrestling with him...well kind of. S3 was on top of H and H was texting. Ugh. I got upset and it came out.."who are you texting constantly?" He replied " quite a few people." Ugh. I walked away and left it alone.

THEN, read Gucci's response. I like it. It is totally makes sense. I know it gets to my H when I give him even a little dose of that. I am now going to focus on giving it to him all the time not just in spurts.

H is using me though. He played hockey the last two nights, wants to go watch hockey tomorrow, and then plays two more nights of hockey, then works two night in a row. Now that he's home, I have no time to myself and he has every night to go do what he wants to do. It would be different if I had plans, but this has been a slow week and finances are decreasing due to xmas gifts so trying to stay home and save some money. I don't know how to handle this part.

H has flirted with me all day, left for hockey tonight carefree, but then texted me for the next 15 minutes till he got to the rink. Can't leave me alone. I was xmas shopping today and he called for "no reason" Haven't had a call like that in a while.

The guy acts like he is my H, and talks like he is my H. But then at lunch makes the comment that friends of ours invited us for their new years party and he said its okay if I go, he can find something else to do. What? You live here? We do things together everyday since you moved home, but we can't go to a New Years Party together? I asked him when his xmas party for work is and he pretended not to remember. Purposely cause he doesn't want to ask me. And the same for the Children's Police Xmas party. I told him today I knew when it was and he said he rsvp'd for him and the kids. No Britt. Hmmm. I dunno how to handle this stuff.

I will just have to get used to the blackberry, my new attitude. "I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT THAT THING!" I have been trying to be on mine more, but he hasn't noticed yet.

MC wont' see me until I sit down and talk to H about situation. He says he can't help me any longer. Don't want to tell him my DB'ing plan, I'm assuming he wouldn't agree with it, so that has been a little sad. I looked forward to seeing him. But he, as a MC said he can't help me with my marriage until I speak with H and see where our marriage is going.

We discussed Xmas today. And figured how we are going to work it around his shift work. Talks like we are one big happy family and we discussed when we will see his parents. That's all taken care of now. Its just this thing called "limboland" that I'm still in. But hopefully I can continue this "as if" attitude and make some headway.

[Lll54]

Forgot to mention that I did some investigating today. A girlfriend of mine (who's husband is a police officer with H) and I had lunch today. I had mentioned the OW to her a few days ago. So she said she would investigate. She asked her H about it. And he laughed and said no way. He mentioned that he knew she had a thing with Kyle (H's best friend) but there was no way H had anything with her. My friend told him the whole story and he said it must be a mix up. He knows this girl and she isn't that way, and doesn't like police officers int he first place and is supposedly embarrassed she was even with H's best friend. He said if there was something going on he would have heard about it. So she relayed that info back to me. This is now the third person I've talked to that has said no way. So I'm starting to believe it was a big mix up.

[4luv]

hey britt,

sounds like you are doing good. i have been having anxiety about the constant use of the blackberry as that phone was the first red flag that led to our current problems. hubby was sending inappropriate texts to an old flame from college that he has a child with. thats what started my constant anger.

gucci gave you some good advice...act like it doesn't bother you. i didn't do that at first (before DB) and it is still a bad subject for us.

[TrentC]

So I'm starting to believe it was a big mix up.

Well, can the person who told you originally that your husband was having an affair clarify why they thought that? That seems like a pretty significant thing to be mistaken about.

I'm still leery of taking the word of H's fellow officers.