Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[Gnosis]

SD, here is the link for hooper1668's posts

Start with this post where he introduces himself.

[SoldierDad]

Ok, honestly, what in the world is my W thinking? This guy has to be lower enlisted-what in the world? I don't get it. AND he lives in the BARRAKS!!!! We have a very nice home, that was designed and built 2 years ago!!! This stuff is crazy. Now I now what you all meant by the WAS being in a FOG. My W is DEEP in that fog.

[bluerain]

Fog, fog, fog! You should have seen my H's OW, yuck! I think that its fairly common for them to majorly down-grade. Its the person who is the farthest thing from what you are. Thats all. If you are a hard working clean cut fit person, the OP will be a unemployed, dirty, druggy.

Does it make it easier? Not one bit. But again, its not that unusual.

Nice, he doesnt even have his own place... awesome. Well, that makes your job (or at least the commands job) easier!

[mulesqb]

I'm so sorry SD. But I think you knew what was coming. Here's my advice:

STRENGTH and HONOR.

Think about what those words really mean for you and your boys. Really think about it. Nothing else matters.

Think about the different situations you can demonstrate both, i.e. When you see your boys, when you finally make contact with your W, when you actually meet up with OM. Heroes are born in times of adversity. This is your time. You can handle it.

Mules

[SoldierDad]

mules, I am doing pretty good. Trying to take all of this in, and feel the pain. I really thought W would contact me after the "I will not share you" e-mail, but nothing. I am in a good place right now, in that, I have knowledge, and knowledge is power. I keep looking at this report, shaking my head in disbelief. A guy in the barraks, THE BARRAKS!! Oh well, her problem not mine. I am going to get ready for my day in a few. I am dark towards my W, any other steps I need to take-things to do? Thanks.

[Frosty Michael]

I think that its fairly common for them to majorly down-grade.

I'll second this, SD! My W's OM is twice my age, half my looks, been on unemployment for years, lives with his mother, extremely judgemental and childish. But he's a "cool" "fun" guy, that showed her a great time and somehow that was good enough to throw our R out the window.

Knowledge is definately power! Weild it responsibly.

[mulesqb]

Glad to hear that. I know that finding out is the biggest punch in the stomach you'll ever receive. But I don't remember if you have retained a L. But I would. The best piece of advice I got from my L was to "economically divorce" myself from her. Which meant closing every joint account we had together. I did it all in one day and had learned she already took $10k from me.

You are getting great advice here. Have no expectations.Be happy she picked some schmuck. Would you rather it be Brad Pitt's twin brother?

From here on in your interactions with her are that everything that has happened is exactly the way you expected. Don't ever react and don't take any bait. Be the cool-as-a-cucumber stud who is secure in who he is and what he brings to the table. This is her loss. Don't give her any reason to think differently.

Stop worrying about her reactions, or her responses. Let her worry about yours. Let her try to figure out why on earth you are so poised after what she did.

It's you and the boys now. That's your mindset. She has a lot of work to do just to get a chance to talk to you.

Stay dark. Really dark.

Strength and Honor.

Mules

[SoldierDad]

Mules,
Thank you. I will follow your advice to a "T". I feel vindicated, if that makes sense. I just knew that something wasn't right, and it was just a feeling in my heart, and gut. I just "felt" it. I know I shouldn't worry about how she is reacting, but her not contacting me to try to see what I know is unlike her. maybe she just doesn't care. I need to let go of that rope, and put one foot in front of the other. I am in control. There is NOTHING else that I need to know. I have everything I need to make good, sound decisions. My heart hurts, but knowing the truth, and knowing that it wasn't just me, and my "worrying/smothering", gives me much satisfaction.

[SoldierDad]

Ok, It is hitting me.
I think I was just numb to the truth, I am completely devastated right now. I just see images of them, and it just crushes me. This hurts, this hurts bad. I thought I was prepared, but how can you prepare for this? I'm getting on a plane in less than 24 hours, and I am in shock. I look at the picture of her car-OUR car, parked at the BARRACKS???? The BARRAKCS??? C'mon, seriously???
I need to let go, I need to let all of it go. I have to man up. I am a better man than this. It just hurts so bad. And I knew, I KNEW in my heart it was true. I just knew.
All the while she lied, I'm paranoid, I'm just out with girlfriends, i'm at a dinner for work. It is just sick.
YOU FU%$ING LIAR!!!!!

[SoldierDad]

Why do I want her to acknowledge it? Why do I want to hear from her about this? What is that? Why would I want to speak to her? To hurt her? To hear her excuses? To make her feel bad? Why??? I feel like I am owed an explanation-why did you do this? Why did you do this to our family? What were you thinking? I wouldn't find out? I feel so stupid.