Well last night, I felt mixed. One the one hand, it was good because I didn't want to stay in the house knowing H didn't want me there - that makes me feel tense, like I'm getting psychic barbs. But I also felt weak because I was kind of letting him chase me out of my own home. I felt scared that if I didn't leave, he would continue his anger and blame and I didn't like that I was intimidated.
So, for the moment, it felt good because I protected myself from H's abuse and anger. Overall, however, I wish he would give more. I guess the strength came in facing the reality that H wouldn't compromise so I took care of myself and my own feelings.
Maybe it's like we don't want the WAS to cut us out of their lives, but in facing it and taking care of ourselves anyhow, we have personal power. It's not the power in "getting our way" - getting WAS to be with us because WE want them to - but it's the power in "letting go" and taking care of our selves and making good choices without expecting to control the external situation and outcome. That's DB, right?
It was kind of a GAL move - like "Ok, you don't want me around - I'm fine anyhow". And heck, I had fun at my neighbor's = we watched a good show and had some laughs. It was nice to feel welcomed and wanted.
