Changing Man

[Gardener]

I also had three other thoughts on the way home last night and today:

1) Nothing has either progressed or backslid in our sitch since she announced D bomb in May except we have had less and less contact (virtually no contact) in 2-3 months. I mean in June we had a few non-R talks, in July she took me out for my birthday. Also in July I proposed and we calmly discussed postponing any D initiating until September, She agreed. Pleasant, inane conversations up to and including August.

2) Since she initiated mediation in September (again, nothing's really changed sitch-wise), she has become increasingly disdainful, bitter, insulting and all-around acting like she's interacting with Charles Manson or some such demon whenever she's in my presence. "'Supwitdat? Advanced/advancing script?"

3) With all I've journaled over the months, and with the increasing, inexplicable semi-hatred she displays towards me, plus the subtlety with which she's begun poisoning my StepD & S against me, and my frequent past-tense comments about being in love with and remembering a memory, Last night and today it manifested itself in the present tense: I don't even like her.

Something went horribly wrong with her thinking in the last 18 months (again my theory centers around death of abusive father she shut out 25 years ago).So I do feel compassion for her repressed and misdirected inner turmoil. I hope she comes to terms and healing peace with that (hopefully with someone other than her whacked out IC). But that's about it. My last surviving feeling is just one one of deep, deep disappointment.

Well, I was going to journal a couple of quick thoughts, but there I went rambling on again ("guilty of unbridled self-expression" as quack MC said!}