Update: we have had 2 good conversations- by good, I mean productive. He has acknowledged several of his problems. I gave him, at my therapist's encouragement, a list of things that would need to change in order for our relationship to have a chance- I think communicating these things really showed him how sick he was in our relationship- actually he said this himself. He is considering thoughtfully the commitment that saying yes to these changes would mean- it's A LOT to ask, and he understands its now or never, and I have tried to put no pressure on him but to do what he feels is best- because I realize at this point if he comes back to me out of guilt or anything like that it won't work in the long run. He has to be in it with 100% of his heart. Also I know that if he says yes to these things, it's really just the start- there are still a lot of questions that need answered, and he needs to show me his commitment to change. If he cannot accept the changes, we will divorce. In the meantime, I am trying to prepare myself for whatever his response is. It is so hard to leave your heart open but to protect it at the same time- a very delicate balancing act. I am praying to God that we both choose the right paths, whatever those may be.
