I will try to combine my messages onto this thread. It is very obvious that my wife and I have grown apart. She tells me we have nothing in common (other then 17 years of relationship and 3 boys). She tells me she is no longer attracted to me. She tells me I am boring. She tells me that sex is no big deal, that she would be fine if she never had it again. She is unhappy with her body image. She is premenopausal. She came from a divorced, completely dysfuntional family. Her natural mother and a somewhat adoptive mother are 2 of the most fridgid women I have ever met. So it appears that I have my work cut out for me. This is NOT the way the marriage started. She USED to be very sexed. We made love every day, we slept naked together (I absolutely LOVED this), she flirted, she loved to kiss, she loved to touch me. Now there pretty much is NONE of this. All intimacy comes from me to her, there is nothing the other way. She probably has not really touched me in an intimate fashion in 8 years, since our last child was born. We do have sex about twice a month, ALWAYS initiated by me, and she usually has a couple of orgasims, so she does like sex to some degree, but she also says things that make it obvious that she is doing this for me, like it is a chore. I DO NOT WANT A WILLINGNESS FOR SEX, THAT IN EFFECT RUINS SEX.
I have read parts of DB and SSM and I know that I have to have a beginners mind, and that I have to stay optimistic. I have been trying to set up goals for my relationship. But man, when I look at the goals that I list and then think where my wife is today, it's like she has a MILLION miles to go before we get to these goals. I am not even sure where to concentrate my efforts as to get the biggest bang for the buck as soon as possible, to keep my spirits up.
