CeMar,
While Corri is upstairs licking her wounds, how about if we chat for a little. Corri is really good at this so I do hope you'll be willing to accept her apology and talk with her. Until then...

A tip on the anger thing (Disclaimer: This is not a tip on getting your wife to change or getting her to understand your feelings. It is a tip on nurturing more tolerable feelings for your wife for you .) In some of your other posts you show that you understand that your wife didn't do anything intentionally to hurt you. She's no more responsible for what her hormones do to her sex drive or how her brain is wired for sex than you are for yours. You already realize this. Usually when someone unintentionally hurts us, anger is not so strong. However, she's not doing anything to improve the situation and that may make you angry. It seems like she's just ignoring your needs. That looks and feels intentionally hurtful. People usually get really angry then!

BUT, you know how hard things are looking to you with the changes you're going to have make for yourself? You don't really know where to begin and it doesn't feel natural. It feels forced and uncomfortable. You're concerned you won't be able to be "sincere" enough. Maybe you also don't really "get" why conversation, romance, sharing feelings are so important (We're assuming what your W wants here. At this point we don't really know.) Do I have a handle on what you're feeling about the changes you're looking at making?

That's what your wife is feeling too when it comes to having sex. Use your own experience of what making difficult changes feels like to nurture your compassion rather than anger for her. You'll feel better.

I've seen lots of people recommending The Five Love Languages. I've skimmed it so I can't really comment. But I liked what I skimmed through. Pick up a copy and read it in front of your wife. Don't say anything. Just read it. Make sure she can see the title. She asks anything, let her know you're trying to find new way(s) to show your love for her. Just a small step, no deep, difficult conversation at this point.

One thing I think you need to be careful about is assuming you know what will make her feel loved. If you have a hard time opening up a conversation about this with her, this might help get the ball rolling. (Be sure to leave the book out where she can pick it up when you're not reading it. )

One more thing, get yourself into the mindset of doing these things because YOU want to make some positive, life-enhancing changes for yourself. Don't do these things with the idea that the changes will only be deemed successful if the result is more sex. 'Cause if you keep this latter mindset, then your wife will be right when she feels like she "owes" you if you make these changes.

MPT