Well.. it's been a busy time. My oldest turned 24. My daughter and I drove up the 90 minutes to join him and my other son for a birthday lunch. It was quite jovial and fun. While there my 19 year old son tells me that the previous evening a truck backed into him, pinning him between the bumper and a picket fence. He said his "No Zone" area is okay but the rest of that region is painful, seriously bruised, etc. Geez. He did get it checked out. My gene pool. Ugh.
The former spouse sent the kids a Christmas card that my daughter opened. It had their names, the printed blurb. He signed it with his wife's initial and his first name. "M & Bill (Dad!)"
No love, no note.. nothing. I have to remember that when I rant about what a dope I think he is that it's really me popping a zit of my own frustration. It's not about him; it's about what I can and do give the kids as their mother, their parent.
I'm busy cutting back on expenses, getting deals from the phone company (to keep my business), contacting every service and utility provider to see if there's a way I can pay less. I'm all proud that the electric bill was down to $140 (my electric provider is the most expensive in the country) for a house with 4100 square feet. I'm unplugging lamps I don't use; have the TV, VCR, receiver, Wii all plugged into a surge strip that I switch off when it's not in use. If I can find a way to turn it off, I do. Needless to say the kids were confused when the remotes didn't turn on the TV the first few times, but they caught on.
I also cringe right now when it comes to spending money. I'm deficit spending but figured my son's birthday was important and am setting limits on how much I'll spend at Christmas. I'll just do the best I can with what I have.
Oh yes.. and after having some of the best nachos ever, I somehow ripped the living daylights out of the roof of my mouth. I was in constant pain to the point where I fantasized about yanking a molar or two out to alleviate the agony and wondered what in the heck I did to myself. I'm happy to report that I've turned the corner and am no longer on a soft food diet. It hurt so much that I had to let the ice cream almost completely melt so it wouldn't irritate the roof of my mouth. Sheesh. Like I said.. one wacky gene pool.
I wonder sometimes if it would have made a difference if I would have been more assertive, challenged the former spouse with his departure.. but that's just water under the bridge. Doesn't matter. All I know is that I'm in a much better place now than I was last year, two years ago. Healing from the head injury took a while with a divorce thrown in and a father's death has caused quite a ride.
Each day I feel like I understand more what it's like to be on my own two feet, face crap I prefer to avoid. The next step is to join the world again.. mingle around people, be part of things rather than the happy-go-lucky hermit.
