Quote: I have asked her to address the sex problem
In her mind, this translates to:
"I have a problem, and YOU need to fix it." If someone were to walk up to you and say the same thing, what do you think your first response might be? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be jumping up and down saying, "oh boy, oh boy, I get to fix YOUR problem. Where's the bandwagon?"
Quote: I have NOT asked her to explore ways with me to solve the issue.
So the same person in the example above walks up to you and says, "I'm having this problem and I'm wondering if you'd be willing to help me with it." Do you think your willingness to at least listen to the person with an open mind would be a tad bit different?
Do you see the difference in the two approaches?
In one of your posts, you said:
Quote: I am willing to do ANYTHING for my wife if it will restore Desire
Well, no offense, but I think you are doing far more to damage your wife's desire level than you realize. I'm not in your house, so I can only respond based upon things you've said here, but it seems to me you are so frustrated that you are coming off in a very authoritative manner. Almost like you are operating in a parent/child relationship rather than approaching her as the adult and partner she actually is. You are setting up a classic power struggle, and if you continue in this vein, she is going to be rebel. (She already is).
I know that you think you are being very clear in communicating with her, but based upon her responses to you, the two of you are about as far from clear as you can get. So you can continue in the same vein if you wish, and my bet is you aren't going to get very far with her, or you can attack this problem in a completely different manner, and it's going to take a lot of patience and learning on your part to do so.
No, that isn't fair. It sucks and why the hell should you have to be the one to always change? I can hear it in your mind, and I don't blame you. But.
Do you want to be right, or do you want to solve the problem?
This is what I think could be a first step for you, if you are willing to try it.
Are you able to acknowledge that the anger and frustration you are feeling isn't really anger and frustration at all, but a very, very deep hurt that you are masking? If so, can you set aside your anger and frustration and go some place by yourself to have a good, long cry so that your hurt can be acknowledged and expressed? I think if you can do this, you at the very least aren't going to feel like a pressure cooker waiting to explode any minute.
If you don't think that's necessary or something you are comfortable with, can you go to a gym and beat the sh!t out of a punching bag for a few hours to get all those emotions cleaned out of your system?
As someone who has walked in your wife's shoes, I can tell you, until you can get rid of the anger, you aren't going to make much progress. She will continually stay on the defensive until she sees it is well and truly gone. Until that time, I don't care what you say, it just isn't going to sink in.
With me so far?
Corri
P.S. Minus the sex problem you're having, do you like your wife? Do you enjoy being around her, talking with her, doing things together? I mean, if you could solve the sex issue, do you think you'd have as close to a perfect marriage as you could ever hope for?
