For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[chatterbug]

Jobs done

[courts0818]

Cuttberbug, you are welcome! Awww...I'm so happy to know that something I wrote, helped you. Thanks for letting me know bc that makes me feel great! : )

[courts0818]

Day 14, Journaling
Well, yay rah...I've made it 2 weeks. It's a small start, but I'm proud of it.

So tonight I was on my way home from class and the store. I was feeling a little down so I prayed that God would show me something, some kind of glimmer of hope...

Maybe this was the "something" I prayed for. H and I usually just do our own thing when he's here. We really don't talk or interact much unless it has to do with DD. Well, I was making her lunch for tomorrow, looking down. The next thing I knew I was getting hit in the head by one of DD's little balls. Okay, at first I got a lil pissy, but then I saw H in the living room cracking up. It turned into a wrestling/tickling kind of match and a ball fight. IDK...is any attention even this, better than nothing? Should I be "happy" with the wedgies he gave me in the kitchen and the play fights or should I be annoyed? IDK.

And he told DD he was going to come over again tomorrow to see her. That's interesting bc he stopped coming over on Thursdays since he's been here on Wednesdays to watch DD during my class.

One thing I didn't like was how much he was on his phone. He has a blackberry now and he's on it 24/7. I haven't said anything to him though.

3 things I'm thankful for today:
1. Our home and heat - it's windy and gonna get reaaaal cold tonight.
2. That I can turn to God in my prayers and He will always be with me.
3. Leftovers - it's nice to open the fridge and just have to warm things up.

I did feel some sadness today - it's hard to get Christmas cards in the mail especially photo cards that have family pics or ones that say ...Love the ______ family.

Ahhh...just gotta do the best that I can do. : )

[givingitmyall]

Hang in there courts. Live in the now. And appreciate what you have.

[courts0818]

Absolutely givingitmyall! Each day I try to post things I'm thankful for bc I'm finally CHOOSING to look at the blessings in my life and not being ovewhelmed by sadness. Sure, I still get hit with many sad moments, but I'm no longer reacting to them or allowing them to consume me. I'm looking at the good. : )

[Lll54]

Oh my goodness Courts. Are you sure we aren't married to the same man?

My H just got a blackberry like 4 or 5 days ago. And I'm ready to smash it into a cement wall. He is on it CONSTANTLY!!!!! I am sooooo irritated. Our son will ask him a question and sometimes has to ask 3 or 4 times before H will answer him cause he is too busy on that damn thing. Never used to be like this, but I'd really like to know what he is doing on there constantly. I actually asked last night cause we were trying to watch a movie and he wasn't even watching, he was on there. He told me he was scrolling on the internet for ringtones. Ugh....

Let me know if you discover some kind of way to disrupt that thing so it doesn't work or something.

[maple]

Hi Courts,
I have been reading your sitch but have not got thru it all yet.

I like your list of 3 things to be thankful for. Great idea.

I think you mentioned on someone elses thread there are some great books for kids regarding feelings etc. Can you recommend any?

My kids are 4 & 2. I just confronted H about A last night and told him to move out by the end of the weekend. I just want to be prepared on talking to oldest DD about her dad when she starts asking questions on why he is not here. I can already tell the tension in the house as put her "off" her usual self. I reassure her that Daddy and Mommy love her dearly no matter where we are.

[courts0818]

Just popping in really quick.

So...H told DD that he was going to be over today and he's a no show. Ahhhhhhh!!!! I haven't called him or texted him and DD doesn't seem to notice, but I'm upset. Disrespecting and disappointing me is one thing, but do NOT do that to our DD. If you tell her you are going to come over, then your ass better show up! Boundary time! What should I say to him?

Maple Gal, here are some quick suggestions on books - these are bascially about feelings, but there are also very good books written for little ones about separation/divorce/having 2 homes/changes/loss.

When I Feel Sad - Spelman & Parkinson
When I Feel Angry - Spelman & Cote
When I Feel Scared - Spelman & Parkinson
When I Miss You - Spelman & Parkinson

And a good one for adults is Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way - Neuman.

Gotta run, time for dinner. I'll check back tonight.

[bluerain]

Dont say anything right now- remember, something that you know about yourself is that you make bad choices when you are emotionally charged! Well, not necessarily "bad" choices, but you know what I mean!

In fact, I wouldnt make a special point to contact him about it at all. The next time that he contacts you, I would say something about being disappointed that he disrespected your DD like that, and hes lucky that shes probably too young to remember what you hope is this isolated incident. If you do choose to call him, I would wait until you are calmed down enough to say what needs to be said, and leave it at that. Whatever you do, do not engage him in an arguement about it!

Oh, Hi by the way! Nice to see you doing so well! lol.

[courts0818]

Hi bluerain! Good advice. : ) Actually, I'm not that mad right now - can you believe it? I said a few choice words (to myself) and then let it go. But you are sooooo right - I make BAD choices when I'm emotionally charged. Very bad ones. : 0

This is good: "The next time that he contacts you, I would say something about being disappointed that he disrespected your DD like that, and hes lucky that shes probably too young to remember what you hope is this isolated incident."

And thank you. I've been consistent for 2 weeks - it's all about small steps, right? ; ) Thanks for checking in.